Married Life: Expectations Sold Separately

Music:  "Everything Is Working Out" by Sarah, the Illstrumentalist, licensed under Epidemic Sound.  Original work available at https://www.epidemicsound.com/music/tracks/d82030d0-11ae-4ed6-b8c0-54046531b869/.

In this episode, my guest is my wife Mirlein Tovar. We take a fun and honest look at the realities of marriage—comparing expectations with reality, sharing some of the things nobody tells you before you get married, and laughing about the everyday moments that make a relationship unique. 

We discuss common marriage myths, talk about lessons we've learned along the way, and reflect on what helps a marriage grow through different seasons of life. Along the way, we answer some lighthearted questions, share favorite memories, and end by expressing appreciation for one another. Whether you're thinking of getting married, newly married, have been together for decades, or are simply interested in relationships, this conversation offers encouragement, humor, and practical insights for building a strong marriage.

If you're enjoying the podcast and want to help support future episodes, you can contribute here: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2612894/support

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:06

This is Sergio Says It Straight. Straight talk. Real people. No filter. Say it straight or don't say it at all.

SPEAKER_03 0:20

What's up, everyone? Welcome to another episode. Thank you to all the listeners and supporters for tuning in. My guest today is my beautiful wife, Milen Tovar. So let's get straight into it. Alright, so today we're going to be talking about the good, the weird, and the hilarious parts about being married. Dun dun dun dun. So I'm going to kind of throw myself out there today. Because, you know, this is a very, very personal topic, you know, being married, bringing my wife on. So, babe, go ahead and introduce yourself.

SPEAKER_00 0:58

Hi, everyone. My name is Mirlen Tovar. Um, I was born in Mexicali. Uh, I've been married to this handsome man for 26 years. Uh, we have four kids together. Um we met in the military. Yes, we did. We're both retired Marines. And now we're on this new adventure.

SPEAKER_03 1:20

Yes, we are. So from time to time, I'm gonna I think I'm gonna bring my wife to be a co-host because uh I I think it'd be fun. Would you be willing to come on every now and then and uh be a co-host?

SPEAKER_01 1:31

Sure.

SPEAKER_03 1:32

Okay. I I'm throwing it out there. The audience has listened, has heard it now. Uh, so she's willing to come on every now and then and help me out with my guests. Okay, so a little bit about me. Um, I kind of mentioned it on uh on the first uh three episodes. Um, as you know, I I mentioned it. I I am a retired Marine, like my wife mentioned. Um, I am originally from the Central Coast out here in California. I was born in San Luis Obispo, California. Uh went to college for a couple years. I went to Fresno State, then I joined the Marine Corps. So I was actually watching Monday night football, and I saw the commercial of the dragon, you know, and the marine coming out, and he starts to slay the dragon and whatever. And I was like, you know what? That looks interesting. I want to do that. So I went to go talk to my recruiter the following day, and I was at MAPS, which where you do your testing that evening, took my my written test, did the physical the next morning, swore in, I enlisted, and I was in boot camp 10 days later. So I had no time to actually dwell on it or think about it. It was boom, boom, boom. I was in boot camp, and then I was like, what the hell am I doing here? But you know, I'm sure a lot of people go through that mindset of like, damn, I don't know what I'm doing. How did I put myself in this situation? Right. So just a little bit about me. Um, like my wife said, we've been married 26 years, four beautiful kids. Um, we live in the central coast, we enjoy the weather out here, and we also have a home in Colorado, which we frequently visit, and uh just love to hang out and have a good time.

SPEAKER_00 3:09

Yeah, right?

SPEAKER_03 3:10

Did I miss anything?

SPEAKER_00 3:11

No, and enjoy walks at the beach?

SPEAKER_03 3:13

Yeah, we have a dog, a husky. Uh his name is Gunny. So um, good dog, keeps us busy. Um, he sheds a lot though.

SPEAKER_00 3:22

Something that I do not like.

SPEAKER_03 3:24

Yeah, he's a shedder. So he's he's only allowed in the house every now and then. Um in the wintertime, especially. We we do let him in. Um, he doesn't sleep outside by any means. Uh he sleeps in the garage. He's he's well taken care of. He's a well-taken care of dog, everybody. So don't worry. All right. Um I guess that's it, right? Let's get into it.

SPEAKER_00 3:43

Let's get into it.

SPEAKER_03 3:44

Okay. One of the questions um that well that we want to get into here is what did each of us expect marriage to be like? Uh, do you want to take this one first, or do you want me to take it?

SPEAKER_00 3:56

Um, I could go first. All right. I don't think I had any expectations. Um I mean, I grew up in a home, a traditional Mexican home, you know, where the dad went to work and the mom stayed for the most part at home. Um, you know, cookie cleaning, um, taking care of us. Um, and I knew I was not gonna be that type of wife. And I believe when we first got married, I told you, yes, I'm Mexican, but I'm not that kind of Mexican.

SPEAKER_03 4:28

So yes, you did make you made that very clear.

SPEAKER_00 4:30

So we're gonna have to do things equally at home. Right. Um, so well, so if that was an expectation, I would say that we were gonna be equals in the household. Yeah, that was my expectation.

SPEAKER_03 4:42

And I uh to be honest with you, I did not even know what to expect, other than uh we're gonna be living together, we're gonna be sharing everything, and that was something that I had to get used to, obviously. But um I didn't have any like big expectations as far as like, oh, this is what marriage is supposed to be like. Um, you know, my parents, I yeah, I guess they had a normal marriage, as you would say. Um, so to me, it was just like, okay, you go to work, you wake up, you wake up, go to work, pay the bills, uh, make dinner, whatever, all that. So that that I guess that was my expectation for me.

SPEAKER_00 5:22

Just the day-to-day house. The day to day, keep everybody alive and fed.

SPEAKER_03 5:25

And of course, you know, you're with somebody you love, obviously, and you want to be with. So that's the bonus, obviously. But yeah, I didn't, I didn't really have like high, not that I didn't have high expectations of like, oh, our relationship. I'm talking about like, okay, I don't know, I don't know what else I'm supposed to think. You know, we're married, okay.

SPEAKER_00 5:43

And we were very both very young, very young, yes. I was 19 years old when I met you. Yeah, and when within the lapse of a year, we moved in together. We had a kid, we had a kid, yeah. Um, so we had to grow up pretty quickly. So at that age, I mean, what do you know about marriage?

SPEAKER_03 5:59

Nothing, nothing, you know, that's true. And and the next part here is like what surprised us the most about being married.

SPEAKER_00 6:10

Um, I think, like I said, you know, we were we were both very young. And I think what surprised me a lot is that we both got into our roles pretty quickly. Um, we were both working full-time in the military. Career.

SPEAKER_03 6:24

We're doing it. We had a career.

SPEAKER_00 6:25

We both had our careers. We started a family very young.

SPEAKER_03 6:28

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 6:29

So we had to step it up and we had to create our routine, um, make sure that we were taking care of our child, that we were paying the bills, that we were still very um high performing Marines, yeah, being successful in our careers. So I felt like we had to grow up pretty quickly. Yeah. Of course, there was a ton of challenges that came along with that. Right. Uh, but that's one thing that did surprise me is that we overcame that pretty quickly and we were able to, I guess, move forward and and be productive.

SPEAKER_03 7:02

Yeah, I guess I'm gonna have I'm gonna agree with you there that um the fact that we just got it done, like we made it happen. Yeah. Um, and of course, we weren't the only ones in the military that had kids and they were young at that age, but just the fact that we didn't skip a beat. You know, like we just went along our way, uh, went about our business, you know, like you said, went to work, uh, did what we had to do as a Marine, and then we had our kid. So at the end of the day, it was like, oh my gosh, it's a bonus. Uh, we've come home the easy days, right? When we only had one. Yeah. So yeah. Um, and then um, when when I think about the beginning, going back to like when we first got married, um, I I kind of want to go back to the first part if I if if if you if you let me uh and going back to the expectations, I just thought about something. I thought that I would be living in apartment life or you know, renting for the rest of my life, but that's not the case. So I'm sure we'll get into that later, but I just thought about that right now. That this is it living in an apartment, being married, having a kid, and that's it. That's life. But no, there's more to it. Um okay, let's let's kind of change things a little bit. Expectations or reality, okay? Okay, um, is this you tell me if this is true or not, okay? All right, you'll always go to bed at the same time.

SPEAKER_00 8:35

Not true all the time, but for the most part we do.

SPEAKER_03 8:39

Right. Yeah, I think I think we go to bed at the same time, but it doesn't mean we necessarily go to sleep at the same time.

SPEAKER_00 8:47

Yeah, yeah, I mean, you put your head on the pillow and you're out in 30 seconds, and I'm still thinking about everything that I did and have to do, and that leads me into two, three hours later. I mean, I don't fall asleep at the same time as you.

SPEAKER_03 8:59

And then also you go you're on your phone a lot, like at night.

SPEAKER_00 9:02

Yeah, I do.

SPEAKER_03 9:03

There's sometimes where it'll be like two in the morning, three in the morning, four in the morning, and I'm I'm getting up because I gotta use the restroom, and you're on your phone listening to like an audiobook or something.

SPEAKER_00 9:14

Well, I use the audiobooks to try to put me to sleep. Um so I'm in that stage in my life where going to sleep, you know, doesn't happen right away.

SPEAKER_01 9:23

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 9:23

Um, and when I do wake up to go to the restroom or something, I stay awake, so I have to force myself to go back to sleep. So that's what you see.

SPEAKER_03 9:31

Okay. All right. Um, another expectation versus reality. You'll eventually agree on where to eat. I'm gonna say no.

SPEAKER_00 9:42

No, no, I think we take turns and we love to say it's your turn you pick.

SPEAKER_03 9:48

Yeah, because I don't want to I don't want to be the one to be like, oh, you're the one that picked this, and you know, it was awful or whatever the case is. So I don't know. I I like to defer to you a lot.

SPEAKER_00 9:58

And I like to ask you what you want to eat. So we do it to each other, so that's why it's always good. Like, I picked last time, it's your turn.

SPEAKER_03 10:07

Yeah, and then usually mine involves like pretty much like unhealthy food. I like the wings, I like the burgers, I like the pizza.

SPEAKER_00 10:17

Tacos.

SPEAKER_03 10:18

Yes, I love, of course, you gotta have tacos, you know. Um, and sometimes you're more of like, I want to eat something a little bit healthier. Um, not all the time, but sometimes, and that kind of creates a little debate, you know.

SPEAKER_00 10:31

Or uh my daughter and I gang up when you and we say Chick-fil-A.

SPEAKER_03 10:35

They hang up. Oh, yeah. And I'm I I guess you know, I I like Chick-fil-A, but man, I get tired of it because you ladies are always wanting Chick-fil-A.

SPEAKER_00 10:44

They have good salads, they're really good.

SPEAKER_03 10:47

Shout out to Chick-fil-A. My daughter loves it. Actually, all my daughters do. All right, another expectation or reality. Date nights happen naturally. No, no, they don't.

SPEAKER_00 11:01

I think for a moment there, um, before we both retired, we had a good system. Every Friday, uh, we would meet somewhere uh in Semecula, that's where we're living at the time. And they have a lot of great restaurants and places to hang out in. Right. It was natural, like hey, Friday night, where are we going?

SPEAKER_03 11:20

Oh, yeah, it was like automatic.

SPEAKER_00 11:21

It was automatic. And now that we live here in the Central Coast, it's a little different. I mean, you have to travel a little bit more to go places.

SPEAKER_03 11:29

The options are not really there.

SPEAKER_00 11:30

Yeah, it's not as much options, but you know, whatever is we do have a few favorites here. Yeah. Um, but then you get into the routine of going to the same places every single time, and then life gets in the way, you're tired from work, so they don't happen as frequent.

SPEAKER_01 11:46

Right.

SPEAKER_00 11:46

Um, but we always try to um, you know, add it to the calendar if we can.

SPEAKER_03 11:53

And sometimes we do spontaneous ones. Like, hey, what are you doing? I don't know, do do we count those where we meet for lunch? Is that like a little mini date?

SPEAKER_00 12:00

I love those. Yeah, that's the mini date for me.

SPEAKER_03 12:03

Yeah, so we'll we'll be like, hey, how's your schedule look like today? Oh, you know what? Uh I don't have any meetings. Uh I'll be done here at 11. I'll be free here at 11:30. What are you doing? Yeah, same here. And here we go again, right? But you pick a spot. No, you pick a spot. But we end up eventually somewhere we meet, we have a good lunch, and then uh the rest of the day is like, yeah, I was able to spend some time with my wife, and that's that's what I needed for me particularly. Oh, that made my day better. Yeah because I know the day-to-day in the office, and then sometimes you're just like I'm you're drowned in in work. Uh there's just so much going on, but you take that little time, and it just makes a difference in the rest of your day, I think. Me personally.

SPEAKER_00 12:45

And one of my recent favorites is um we go on our walks on Sundays to the beach, and then we pick a breakfast spot.

SPEAKER_03 12:53

I usually like once again the unhealthy stuff, the big old breakfast burrito or something. And of course, my wife wants like a smoothie. And I was like, babe, no, I need I need more than just a smoothie, right?

SPEAKER_00 13:04

Well, I mean, there's days where I wanna well, I know if we're if I know that we're going to barbecue and eat something heavy in the night, yeah, yes, I want a smoothie or something. But if we're gonna have a light day in the evening, then yes, we would have a breakfast burrito, sole, or chilaquiles, one of my favorite breakfasts. Um, so yeah, it just depends.

SPEAKER_03 13:25

Yeah. Um, but yeah, but we I I think that we haven't gotten been in that routine like we used to be, but I think we're starting to kind of go back to it. Yeah. So that's that's one thing that I do look forward to on, especially like on Sundays.

SPEAKER_00 13:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:41

And then we're in that stage in our lives where our kids, you know, our youngest is gonna be 17.

SPEAKER_01 13:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:46

Um, and we have older kids living with us, so they take care of the younger ones. We could go as we wish. They don't like to join us when we're doing things, so we're getting to that point where it's just mostly me and you sometimes.

SPEAKER_03 13:59

Yeah, and it was harder, obviously, when they were younger. Um, so we we didn't, I don't know, we tried to do the date night and stuff like that, but sometimes it was just too much going on with the kids, and it was just it was just more more challenging. Whereas now, like you said, our youngest is 17. Yeah, so it's like they're on autopilot or whatever you want to say, and we don't really have to worry so much about them. Okay, hey, we're leaving. See you guys in a couple hours, and dinner's on the stove.

SPEAKER_00 14:26

There you go.

SPEAKER_03 14:27

See you guys later. You know what I'm saying? So that's one thing I do enjoy now that um I'm gonna continue to. Okay, um, let's talk about the little things that drive us crazy. Oh boy. Are you ready for this one? Okay, okay. The question here is what harmless habits annoy us for from each other.

SPEAKER_00 14:47

Okay, so I'm gonna talk about you.

SPEAKER_03 14:48

Of course, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:49

Okay, let's see.

SPEAKER_03 14:51

But remember, the keyword is harmless habits, okay? Harmless. Um don't forget that.

SPEAKER_00 14:58

Uh I think the little things for me is which I think I've picked up as well, is you have all your shoes underneath the bed because you don't I have nowhere to put them. I was just gonna say you don't have closet space. I don't, but then although it would annoy me, I'm starting to do the same because my closet needs some help too. So uh it's just annoying when you're trying to sleep sweep and you know clean under the bed. And yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:25

And we from where we came from, we had tons of closet space.

SPEAKER_00 15:30

Yes, yes, and we have what we still do, yeah. We still have our own closets, but they're tighter than what we're used to.

SPEAKER_03 15:37

Yeah. Uh for me, I would say it and I I don't know if you you could guess this one. No, but for me, it's like you start to clean the counter or you start taking up the trick, and then you start getting into the deep cleaning mode.

SPEAKER_00 15:51

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:52

And it's like, oh man, I I just wanted to watch the the baseball game, the Dodger game on TV. And then I'm I kind of just turn around, like, oh my god, she's gonna give me the look, like she's gonna start making me feel guilty. And there you go.

SPEAKER_00 16:06

And there you go.

SPEAKER_03 16:06

You start cleaning the stove, you start cleaning behind the fridge, you know, you start really getting into it. And it once again, it's not harmless.

SPEAKER_00 16:16

It is I mean, it is.

SPEAKER_03 16:17

I'm sorry, it is harmless.

SPEAKER_00 16:20

Okay, I don't enslave my family to clean.

SPEAKER_03 16:23

No, no, I didn't say that. But as a husband, I think you feel obligated, you have to participate.

SPEAKER_00 16:29

Well, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:30

Because if you don't participate, you know, that's that's not good for the husband. It's not.

SPEAKER_00 16:34

No, I mean, you could think my mom, I mean, you could thank my mom and my grandma for that in the military. Um, so they've made me definitely uh very OCD about a few things. Um and um you're not the only one that feels that way. I know the kids see me up and they scatter, scatter like.

SPEAKER_03 16:53

Oh, yeah, they scatter.

SPEAKER_00 16:54

Yes, like oh, I'm not gonna make eye contact with her.

SPEAKER_03 16:58

And you know, back back when we were on on active duty, when in our you know, I remember our kids were they were younger, but they remember, I mean, we used to detail clean every Saturday. I'm talking like baseboards, I'm talking everything you can think of, and that was normal in our house on Saturdays.

SPEAKER_00 17:20

Yeah, a few hours every Saturday morning. Yes, but for me it felt good because we were very busy. Um, early to Friday. So if we had a good start to the week, washed our clothes, had the house clean, meal prepped, then we were we were ready for the week. Yeah, and I think that's the reason why I just needed to do that for for my sanity.

SPEAKER_03 17:42

Yeah, no, and and I like the clean house too. Don't get me wrong, like I love a clean house, but you know, it's just when you're cleaning every weekend, it's just it gets tiring.

SPEAKER_00 17:51

I just want to disclose that we don't do that. No, we don't do that anymore.

SPEAKER_03 17:54

We clean, we do deep cleanings periodically, but not every weekend.

SPEAKER_00 17:58

Yeah, or at the end of the night, we'll reset the house.

SPEAKER_03 18:02

Yeah, you call it reset.

SPEAKER_00 18:03

Yep, and then we do it for a few minutes, everybody gets involved, and we wake up to a clean house.

SPEAKER_03 18:09

Yeah, and it's and uh yeah, and it's and it's important to have a clean house, you know, especially when you have four kids in the house, all basically all adults, and then you know, we have our dog, and we have a cat too now, which is like I never thought we'd have a cat in the house.

SPEAKER_00 18:26

We have a grand pup, we have a grand cat, yeah, and then Gunny. So we have three pets in the house. Three pets in the house.

SPEAKER_03 18:32

Yeah, so it's a lot, it's a lot going on in our household. Um, but yeah. Okay, next next thing here, next question. What's a disagreement um we have had over something completely ridiculous? Like you look back and you're like, dude, why the hell were we arguing about that?

SPEAKER_00 18:50

Uh cleaning?

SPEAKER_03 18:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:54

You're not joking.

SPEAKER_03 18:55

I led right into that one. I led you right into that one. No, yeah. I think so. I think you're right. I think sometimes cleaning is one of those things where I might not be in the mood and you're really into it. And then there's also days when I'm into it and you're not.

SPEAKER_00 19:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:12

So right, am I right? Yes. So yeah, I think cleaning, I think you hit that one right on the nose here.

SPEAKER_00 19:18

What about you? What do you think?

SPEAKER_03 19:20

That was mine. That was yours. That was a cleaning. Um, but I I I guess you can also say for things that you know that I can think of right now is the different mindset that you and I have when it comes to worrying about certain things. Like you would tell me, why are you worried about that? You can't control that, or whatever the case is. And then I get upset because it's like, well, you don't you're not understanding me or whatever. And then we we may get into a little argument or something, and it's like, why? Right? Yeah, that's another one that I can think of.

SPEAKER_00 19:56

Yeah, and and um one that I think many couples argue about um is financial issues, right? Yeah, and for me, I I'm the one that keeps track of the finances, pays the bills. Um, but you are always worried about it.

SPEAKER_03 20:14

I am, I am worried about it.

SPEAKER_00 20:16

Although we're okay and everything gets paid.

SPEAKER_03 20:19

No, no, everything gets paid. Uh I know that, but I don't know what it is. I think maybe it's because the way that I grew up, my dad always emphasized like paying things on time, make sure you have such and such amount of money in the bank. And I don't know, maybe I got traumatized because of that. You could, you could and it carried over to my marriage, obviously. And I don't I I wish I wasn't that way though. I wish I wasn't so worrisome about the stuff that you mentioned right now, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:52

But I I can't help it, and it's silly stuff because like I said, it's not like we're in a bad situation or anything like that. It's just did we pay that?

SPEAKER_03 21:01

Yeah, yeah, we did.

SPEAKER_00 21:03

Yeah, we did. Are we gonna go out? That's $200. Yeah, but but we spent $800 on microphones. It's okay.

SPEAKER_03 21:12

Yes, I know, I know. I know, and it doesn't make sense it doesn't make sense sometimes. I know it doesn't because I know we have the money, it's just like I just love to worry, I think. Yeah, I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 21:22

It's psychological.

SPEAKER_03 21:24

Yeah. Um I don't know about this one, but what fa or phrase, not phase, what phrase do each of us use often to each other? Something we tell each other a lot or a phrase that we say to each other a lot. Can you think of one?

SPEAKER_00 21:43

Can you go first?

SPEAKER_03 21:44

Well, I'm trying to think. Um I mean I don't I okay, not to get mushy, not to get mushy. Yeah, but what do I tell you all every day? Babe, you're gorgeous or I love you, you look beautiful. You do. But I do, right? You do. Okay. So that's something that I think I say very often or multiple times a day.

SPEAKER_00 22:08

Um I think I love you. I mean, we even when the kids leave the room, I love you. I just we're we're so used to saying that. Yeah. Like we don't leave the room, we don't say goodnight, we don't do something without saying, okay, baby, I love you.

SPEAKER_03 22:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:25

Um, but a phrase, I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 22:27

Be careful.

SPEAKER_00 22:28

Be careful, yes. Be careful because I'm always telling you to be careful.

SPEAKER_03 22:31

Yes. Even if I'm just gonna go across the street to uh, you know, give my neighbor back his tool or whatever, be careful, babe. Be careful. Uh but that's what I think that's just what the family in general with us and our kids. I love you, be careful. Like that's all day long, every day. Um, so that's something I think that I I think it's very healthy.

SPEAKER_00 22:53

It is.

SPEAKER_03 22:53

It is, you know what I'm saying? I don't think it's like, oh my gosh, you guys are so like over the top or whatever.

SPEAKER_00 22:59

I don't even think we think about it.

SPEAKER_03 23:00

No, yeah, I I don't think about it. It just comes natural to me. Um, because some people might look at it like, damn, you guys are too affectionate or something. And it's I don't look at it that way. I don't think like we're all over each other like that. It's just like a word, you know, it's something that we say to each other uh before we go to work, before we leave the house, or whatever the case is. So yeah. All right. Um question for us here is what is the best marriage investment do you think we've made?

SPEAKER_00 23:33

Spending time with our with each other, okay. And with um on our own as well, I think.

SPEAKER_03 23:39

Yeah, I think that's true. Now on the other on the flip side, like money-wise, what's the best investment we've made as a married? No, no, that was good, but now like monetary-wise, like what's the best investment you think we've ever made as as a married couple? Buying home, buying a home, yeah, yeah. So which brings me to what I had said earlier, the expectations and stuff like that. I expected that I was gonna live in an apartment my whole life because I didn't know anything, I didn't know anything else, right? Um, but you were very ambitious from the beginning. And if it wasn't for you, initially, obviously, uh I I would, I mean, I would have never got a house. You know, I I wouldn't, it wouldn't have crossed my mind, I think, but because of your ambition and your thoughts and the way your goals, and well, I'm gonna get married. And if we're if we're married, I want to have a home for our kids or whatever the case is. And so I think that's you know, going back to that, that's the best investment we ever made. Um, so I want to say give you kudos for that one because I I don't know if I would have had the same mindset, really.

SPEAKER_00 24:50

You know, I remember um we were both very young. Yeah. And we were telling our peers, um, you know, oh, we're saving to buy a house. Um, you had multiple jobs just trying to get us um the down payments and uh create that savings and so that we could be set up when we got our first house. Um and we wouldn't even have staff and CEOs, and this is these are our leaders, you know, people who are in charge of us.

SPEAKER_03 25:17

People that have been in 10 more years than we have, and they've already established yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:22

They would um just because they didn't have a house, they wouldn't believe that we were going down that route.

SPEAKER_01 25:28

Right.

SPEAKER_00 25:29

And we proved them wrong. I mean, I bought we bought our first house. I was 23 years old. Yeah, and the second one when I was 24, so so yeah, I mean, I think we did very good, and that was the best investment, and it has left led to other things.

SPEAKER_03 25:46

Yeah, and uh going back to what you said that working multiple jobs, yeah, I I only slept like two hours sometimes, two hours a day for weeks at a time. Marine by day and low stalker by night because I had a full-time career as a marine, so uh I would come home literally, eat dinner, maybe take a one-hour nap, maybe, and then go to work, and then work a full night shift, come home, take another hour, two hour nap, take a shower, get ready to go back to work as a marine.

SPEAKER_00 26:21

Yeah, so luckily you didn't have to do it for too long.

SPEAKER_03 26:24

No, no, it was only temporary. Uh, I did it for a few months, but looking back now, it's like, damn, like, yeah, I don't know how I did it.

SPEAKER_00 26:34

I don't know how you did it. And for those wondering why I didn't help out, I was pregnant with our son.

SPEAKER_03 26:40

Our second child.

SPEAKER_00 26:41

Our second child. Um, he was actually less than a month old when we moved into our new house.

SPEAKER_03 26:47

Yeah, yeah. So he doesn't remember apartment life.

SPEAKER_00 26:50

No.

SPEAKER_03 26:51

Um, our daughter, our oldest daughter, I should she probably vaguely remember maybe. She was two years old. She was two. She was two years old, so she might not even remember either. Probably not. Living in the apartment. But so we wanted to give that to our kids. Like we wanted them to live in a family home. Yeah. Yeah. Um, what's the best vacation you think we've ever taken together?

SPEAKER_00 27:15

I want to say that our first trip to Hawaii, um, our daughter's quinceera move.

SPEAKER_03 27:22

Oh, that's right. You want to go ahead and talk a little bit about that?

SPEAKER_00 27:24

Oh gosh, this girl. Um, so my daughter, well, we're Mexican, so our tradition is to have quincenas when our daughters turn 15. Um, and a year before my daughter turned 15, we were asking her, What are your plans? What do you want to do? And she said, Oh, I don't want a quinceanera. I want to take a trip.

SPEAKER_02 27:44

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 27:45

So we're like, perfect, we don't have to do all this planning. Um, and we'll have a little thing in Hawaii. So I booked the trip, um, everything was set, and then she spoke to your youngest sister, Saray, who's only four years older than her. And Sarae said, Thank you, sis. Thank you, Lil Zis. She said, I regret having a not having a quincenera.

SPEAKER_01 28:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:09

So our daughter, after everything had was booked and non-refundable, because I didn't know about you know getting uh insurance or anything like that, she said, I want a quincenera now. So we had her quincenera, and a week later we went to Hawaii and spent uh two weeks over there, and it was an amazing time. And our kids were at the age where they were really able to enjoy and remember.

SPEAKER_01 28:34

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 28:35

Um, so we call it the quincenera moon.

SPEAKER_01 28:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:38

And that tradition has passed on to our other daughters. So every single time they turn 15, we follow it up with a trip.

SPEAKER_03 28:45

We went to Tokyo for one of our daughters, the other one was also whole. No, we have we done that one already.

SPEAKER_00 28:50

We haven't done that one, or it hasn't happened right away, but her thing is she wants to go to the Bahamas. So maybe next year we'll do that.

SPEAKER_03 28:56

We'll do that one. Um, but yeah, and and I do remember me, I remember myself thinking that specific vacation was like, damn, that was like it really felt like a getaway. Yeah, you know what I mean? Like we we had gone to little places like Phoenix, you know, Phoenix, Arizona, you know, Disneyland Disneyland, whatever. But that one felt like, yeah, we we were actually doing it, you know what I mean? So that was a good feeling. We got to experience a lot of firsts, yeah. That's where we started falling in love with the water, the ocean, you know, the snorkeling, the scuba diving, and all that. But that's a whole nother story, anyways. But yeah, that was a great vacation. I I'll never forget that one. Okay, ready for a couple more? Okay. Uh, who is this? Is these are a couple of fun ones, okay? Uh, who is more likely to lose their keys? And I already know the answer to that one.

SPEAKER_00 29:51

Is it me?

SPEAKER_03 29:52

That's you.

SPEAKER_00 29:54

Yes. Uh, I've become the forgetful one lately. Yeah. Even my phone. I forget my phone.

SPEAKER_03 29:59

Keys and cell phone.

SPEAKER_00 30:00

Yes. Luckily, my Apple Watch has that, you know, feature where you could find your phone.

SPEAKER_03 30:06

Yes. And then uh one of the other questions is who takes longer to get ready?

SPEAKER_00 30:12

Me.

SPEAKER_03 30:13

Okay, that's that's kind of a given, right?

SPEAKER_00 30:15

That's a given. Uh, I have hair, blow dry my hair, curl my hair, do makeup. You get ready in five minutes.

SPEAKER_03 30:21

I can. Literally, I'll be laying in bed. We're we got an event that we have to go to, and I'll I'll get up and and sometimes I even beat you.

SPEAKER_00 30:31

Yes. So you'll wait till I'm almost done. Yeah. Get in the shower, start getting ready, and you still beat me. And you have to tell me, babe, I'll be in the car. And that's my cue that I have to hurry up.

SPEAKER_03 30:43

Yeah. And I I'm gonna bet I I would bet money that that's in most relationships, most marriages.

SPEAKER_00 30:48

I think so.

SPEAKER_03 30:49

Right?

SPEAKER_00 30:49

With the exception, I I knew a few.

SPEAKER_03 30:52

There's a few, a few, but I'm saying for the most part, I think that's the case for the most part.

SPEAKER_00 30:56

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 30:57

You know, it's not necessarily a bad thing. I'm just saying, like it naturally women just need more time to get ready.

SPEAKER_00 31:02

Yeah, right. And I do plan for it.

SPEAKER_03 31:04

Yeah. Okay. Um, who is the more competitive between you and I?

SPEAKER_00 31:10

I have to say me again.

SPEAKER_03 31:12

I I would have to agree. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:14

We're very competitive.

SPEAKER_03 31:15

I'm competitive too, but my wife, she takes it to a whole nother level. Uh, even back into our Marine Corps active duty days.

SPEAKER_01 31:22

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 31:22

So I can think of one scenario where we were both um every year, not every yeah, uh, was it every year? Every few years you had to qualify with your rifle with your rifle. Yes. Right? And and we're talking like uh, you know, a range. You there's how many Marines would you say were on a range at a time? Hundreds, right?

SPEAKER_00 31:42

Yeah, it was a large range. We're in Camp Pendleton, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 31:45

Camp Pendleton, we had to qualify.

SPEAKER_00 31:47

Or was it Yuma?

SPEAKER_03 31:48

No, this was in Camp Pendleton. Oceanside California. Yeah, shout out to Oceanside California. We spent a lot of time out there.

SPEAKER_00 31:53

Camp Pendleton.

SPEAKER_03 31:54

Uh Camp Pendleton. Great Mexican food. I've already put a plug-in for that in a couple episodes back. But, anyways, going back to the competition part, um, I remember we were both good shooters, really good shooters. And then once they found out that you and I were married, yes, because we were shooting very high scores throughout the whole week. Yes. And then when it came to qualification, they're like, oh my gosh, who is gonna win? Yes, right?

SPEAKER_00 32:21

And you would think, well, how did they not know they were married? It's because we have different aspects. So once they got out that we were married, my coach and your coach would be also crowds compet competing against each other because they get credited.

SPEAKER_03 32:36

Yes, to who would get the higher score. Yeah, and they l I just remember like getting in my position and getting ready, you know, for the next uh, you know, the next drill, and like 30 people behind me, like, oh, your wife just shot, she just got a you know a five, she got a headshot or whatever, and I'm like, oh my god, yeah, no pressure, no pressure whatsoever. Um, but at the end of the day, yes, you ended up getting the better score by one by one point still. Um, and just to give you an idea, um out of 250 points, what did you score? It was a 246.

SPEAKER_00 33:15

It was high, it was a 246. I think it's the highest I've ever shot.

SPEAKER_03 33:19

Yeah, and then I shot a 245.

SPEAKER_00 33:21

So I mean, it was perfect weather, no wind.

SPEAKER_03 33:24

Yeah, out of 250 points, I got a 245 and my wife got a 246. We were both sergeants, yes, at the time, and I remember just being a jerk about it and saying, well, you have more support in your, you know, your bosom area for for you to get you know more comfortable in your position. So that was an advantage.

SPEAKER_01 33:45

That was a low blow.

SPEAKER_03 33:47

It was a low blow. Uh but yeah, good times. Uh, but I yeah, I would have to say yes, for sure, you are a little bit more competitive than I am. Um, okay, this is another fun one here. Who says I'm sorry first most of the time?

SPEAKER_00 34:04

Okay, so I think there's eras in our relationship where it goes back and forth. It goes back and forth.

SPEAKER_03 34:10

Yeah, recently, I think it would be me saying sorry most of the time.

SPEAKER_00 34:15

But what have I done wrong?

SPEAKER_03 34:16

No, I know, but I'm saying recently, right? Recently, it's just me. You know what? Uh I used to be super, super stubborn. Yes, super stubborn. And I think I as as you as the years go by, you start immature, and I used this on my last episode, you start to evolve, yes, right? Um, and I've learned that you know it's not worth being mad for for something minute. Just say you're sorry, even though maybe I might not be at fault. I've learned that if I just say sorry, the day is gonna go so much better for me.

SPEAKER_00 34:54

You know what I mean? Yeah, it does.

SPEAKER_03 34:56

And it's not something about like, oh my gosh, yeah, you know, whatever, you're not a man or this and that. No, it's just about just why why are you gonna go ahead and drag it out? Um, just be the better person sometimes, I guess you would say, and just you know what? Yeah, I I I'm sorry, I don't I don't know what I did, but I'm sorry. You're upset, but sometimes that doesn't work either, right? No, got it. What do you mean what do you mean you don't know?

SPEAKER_00 35:24

What are you sorry about?

SPEAKER_03 35:26

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 35:26

Can you tell me why you're sorry?

SPEAKER_03 35:28

Yes, and I'm sure that happens a lot. Um, but I I think that I've I've matured in that sense. I think we both have.

SPEAKER_00 35:37

I think we like you said, we come to the realization that we don't want to drag this out, yeah. Um and why? Why waste time being mad at each other when we could be having fun?

SPEAKER_03 35:48

Right. And I think one thing that I have to point out is that okay, so when we were younger, I think our circle was a lot bigger. We had so many people around us all the time, people at our house constantly. By the way, ours was the party house.

SPEAKER_00 36:03

Our shop and your shop put together.

SPEAKER_03 36:05

It was a party, it was party central at our house almost every weekend, right?

SPEAKER_00 36:08

Almost everywhere we went to, every duty station.

SPEAKER_03 36:11

Yes, but as for those of you that know what a duty station is and and all that, you you know what we're talking about. Uh, it's a place where you're you work for two, three years uh in your trait as a Marine. You know, my wife was in logistics, I was in communications, that's what we did from the Marine Corps for that time. But every so often we would move to a new duty station, which was basically a new shop, a new company, a new however you want to say it, right? Um, but kind of going going well, not kind of going back to what I was trying to say is as you get older, I found out that our circles get smaller. We're more selective, more selective as to who you want around, you know. You don't want toxic people around you.

SPEAKER_00 36:50

Who do you let in in the circle of trust?

SPEAKER_03 36:53

Uh there's a few people. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 36:55

There's a few people. And you know, and you know who you are. You know.

SPEAKER_00 36:59

If you're listening to this and you are in our lives, you know who you are.

SPEAKER_03 37:02

You know the circle of trust, you know who you are. Yes. Um, but what I was getting to is like, yeah, I had tons of friends back in the days, and now I have a couple that I'd say, yeah, these these are my the ones that the people that I roll with, right?

SPEAKER_00 37:16

This is more like they're more like family.

SPEAKER_03 37:18

More like exactly more like family. But um, I find myself, and you don't have to say this, okay? This is just coming from me. Like, I find myself like, you know, I spend most of my time with my wife, with you, you know, because I want to be with you. Yeah. All right. Sometimes it's by default, obviously. But I enjoy it. I really do enjoy being with you when we go do things because we now have, I think we're now in that chapter of our life where we're enjoying the little things.

SPEAKER_01 37:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 37:50

You know, even if it's just like, let's go get a coffee. That's like, okay, let's go. And a moments like that, I don't take for granted anymore. Yeah. Is what I'm is what I'm trying to get to.

SPEAKER_00 38:02

So you appreciate the time spent.

SPEAKER_03 38:04

Yeah. So then once again, it's like, why why are you gonna dwell on dumb little stuff that for what?

SPEAKER_00 38:10

That takes away from that.

SPEAKER_03 38:11

Yeah. Yeah. But before, different story, right?

SPEAKER_00 38:15

Days without talking.

SPEAKER_03 38:16

We go, yeah, literally, we'd go days without talking.

SPEAKER_00 38:19

But we were both very young and immature.

SPEAKER_03 38:21

Yeah. Um, okay, you ready for another fun one?

SPEAKER_00 38:25

Sure.

SPEAKER_03 38:25

Who would survive longer on a reality TV show?

SPEAKER_00 38:30

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_03 38:30

Um, but then I guess I get is it competitive? Like, is it physical? Well, I is it mental?

SPEAKER_00 38:36

Well, see, I'm very competitive, but let's be honest, I'm not that physical anymore.

SPEAKER_03 38:41

Well, um neither am I. Neither am I.

SPEAKER_00 38:44

I think when it comes to mental, you know, mental challenges, I don't know. I think I I'm I think I'm really good with that.

SPEAKER_03 38:54

Mental, yeah. I think you I think we're both mentally strong, but you have like another gear to it, I think. Okay, right? Because I I I I can sometimes, and I'll admit it, I'll just get so frustrated where I don't even want to deal with that anymore. True or false?

SPEAKER_00 39:15

True.

SPEAKER_03 39:16

You know how to get through it better than I do in in certain circumstances, in certain situations.

SPEAKER_01 39:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 39:22

So I'll I'll I'll give you that. So if it's like a mental reality TV show, you got it, hands down. I think so. Uh now if it's a physical, I don't know. I I kind of want to think of myself as being still not in the best shape by my life. I'm not by any means, but I can get through. Oh, yeah. I can get by. I agree. Yeah. All right. Um, who spends more time on their phone? Hmm. I I gotta say we both do.

SPEAKER_00 39:54

We both do. Yeah, we do. Yeah, we both do. You do sports, I do. You have even gotten into social media lately.

SPEAKER_03 40:02

I wouldn't say social media, I would say, I mean, well, well, I guess so. Is TikTok social media? Yeah, that is okay. Never mind.

SPEAKER_00 40:08

You send me a lot of TikTok TikTok.

SPEAKER_03 40:09

TikToks, TikTok, but I don't I I'm not a post, I don't post stuff. I don't neither am I. No, I don't do any of that stuff. I I I I can't even remember the last time I posted something like on Facebook or anything like that. I just like looking at the videos, yeah. And and we'll both be sitting there and I'll and I don't know why the the cat videos that come on are freaking hilarious. And I'm over here laughing, and you're like, what are you laughing at? And I'm sure you know, we share videos, whatever.

SPEAKER_00 40:34

Yeah, that and the couple videos, um the toxic wives.

SPEAKER_03 40:39

Oh, yeah, those are hilarious. Um, okay. Are you ready for some not I wouldn't say too serious, but let's go over some marriage myths. Okay, you ready?

SPEAKER_00 40:49

I'm ready.

SPEAKER_03 40:50

Uh, never go to bed angry.

SPEAKER_00 40:53

Oh gosh. There's many times where we go to sleep married. I mean, married. Married, I hope. Yes. I'm sorry, mad. We go to sleep mad.

SPEAKER_03 41:03

Um, yeah, I mean, that's life.

SPEAKER_00 41:05

That's life, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 41:06

Yeah, sometimes they're just like, you know, I don't even want to look at you. Just stay in the couch, and that's fine with you, right? Sometimes it's like, whatever.

SPEAKER_00 41:14

But to be honest, I mean, can you you could count the times that you have slept in the couch? Oh, no, no, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 41:19

And don't I don't want the people to get the wrong idea that oh, he's in the couch. No, no, no, no. Like she said, it's a handful of times that have happened.

SPEAKER_00 41:26

Um in 26 years, that's I mean, that says a lot.

SPEAKER_03 41:30

Yeah. Um, and it's something about just like you, I think you mentioned it too, like comfort. You're used to it. Like, you're one of the do you want to explain to people how you sleep at night? How do I sleep at night? You put your your leg over mine and then you you shift your body a certain weight, and it's kind of like I'm your pillow or something, like you're yeah.

SPEAKER_00 41:51

We play the shifting game a lot at night. I turn, you turn with me, you turn, I turn with you. Yeah, um, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 41:59

Okay, uh, next one. Opposites attract.

SPEAKER_00 42:03

I think so. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 42:05

We were opposites, huh?

SPEAKER_00 42:06

We yeah, I think we're opposites in a lot of things. Um, and I think we also have a lot of similarities because of the Marine Corps. But I think overall we are different.

SPEAKER_03 42:16

I mean, we've been through a lot of the same things, obviously.

SPEAKER_00 42:19

Um shared experiences, but we are different.

SPEAKER_03 42:22

Yeah, we are definitely different. Um even I mean, just little things too, like food-wise, yeah. Um the way we like temperature.

SPEAKER_00 42:32

Um well, the way that you keep your closet and I keep mine. Yours is organized, your shoes don't touch. Mine is a disaster.

SPEAKER_03 42:41

Well, right now it is. Right now, because you don't you don't have the space.

SPEAKER_00 42:44

I don't have the space. No, so it's a disaster. But I'm okay with that disaster. If that if the roles will switch, I think you were I'd go crazy. Go crazy and try to organize it.

SPEAKER_03 42:55

And I even gave you the bigger closet when we moved into the house.

SPEAKER_00 42:57

You did.

SPEAKER_03 42:58

So okay. Um marriage gets boring. No, no, I don't think so either.

SPEAKER_00 43:05

No, not at all. No, not in our not in our case.

SPEAKER_03 43:08

No, I mean, um there might be marriages out there that are boring, but speaking of ours, no. Uh, I think there's too much going on on a day-to-day. Yeah. Um, we like to travel.

SPEAKER_00 43:22

So our calendar gets full pretty quickly.

SPEAKER_03 43:25

Yeah. And my my some some of the the one of the two friends that I have out here that that uh I've known since um high school. And then we come back.

SPEAKER_00 43:35

Probably younger than that.

SPEAKER_03 43:36

Yeah, actually, no, yeah. We we we knew before high school.

SPEAKER_00 43:39

I think with one of them you were in diapers together.

SPEAKER_03 43:41

Yeah, yeah. I don't know why I said high school, but um, they always joke around and they're like, Um, can you please check your calendar? Because we know you're booked and you got things going on all the time. And they're always making fun of me because, like, um, oh, where are you gonna be this week? Or where are you gonna be next month? Are you gonna be in Hawaii this month? Are you gonna be in Japan? Japan or whatever. So yeah, but that's one thing that I do really enjoy about our marriage and what we've created here is that we do travel a lot.

SPEAKER_00 44:10

We do and we love it. And we we actually prioritize it. I think we want to take a few vacations long, well, long distant vacations a year, and then of course the weekend getaways.

SPEAKER_03 44:23

Oh, yeah, yeah. Those weekend getaways we do frequently. Yeah. Our kids are spoiled. They are. We didn't grow up like this at all.

SPEAKER_00 44:30

Did not.

SPEAKER_03 44:31

Yeah. We're lucky if we had Burger King or McDonald's, you know.

SPEAKER_00 44:35

Well, every summer we would go to San Felipe, Ensenada, Rosarito. Yeah. Uh, because I grew up in Mexicali. I grew up in the central coast.

SPEAKER_03 44:43

And so our our trips were like Tijuana. A lot of camping. Tijuana and camping. That was it. I love camping. Weekends consisted of barbecuing, going to the SWAT meet, and that's pretty much it.

SPEAKER_00 44:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 44:56

Parties all the time.

SPEAKER_00 44:57

Yeah. Party, party.

SPEAKER_03 44:58

Party, party, party. Um, nothing wrong with that. Nope. Nothing wrong with that. But I didn't know anything else. You know, we went, I remember my dad took us to like Magic Mountain Universal Studios one time in our life, and that was it.

SPEAKER_00 45:12

Well, the first time I got on a plane was to go to boot camp.

SPEAKER_03 45:15

Oh, yeah. Well, no, I had I had been on earth plane when I was a kid when I went to Mexico. Yeah. But boot camp, yeah, that was the first time.

SPEAKER_00 45:22

That was the first time for me.

SPEAKER_03 45:24

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 45:24

And my parents, I think, when they went to see me graduate.

SPEAKER_03 45:27

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Happy couples never fight.

SPEAKER_00 45:32

Faults.

SPEAKER_03 45:33

Faults. Big time faults. Even when we're at our happiest, uh, things are gonna things are gonna come up. Things are gonna come up.

SPEAKER_00 45:42

Yeah. I mean, it it depends on the mood of the person, too. Yeah. If you're tired and grouchy, of course things are gonna annoy you. So you're going to respond a certain way. And you have to remind yourself, like, okay, just because I'm grouchy doesn't mean I have to take it out on people.

SPEAKER_03 45:57

Right. Um, and then I think, you know, going going to going back to this, that happy couples never find I'm not gonna say that we're always happy.

SPEAKER_00 46:07

No, you know, of course not, but um we're not perfect in any way, shape, or form.

SPEAKER_03 46:12

No, no, no. But we have our days when I know I wake up like, damn, things are good. Things are good, everything is where it needs to be, we're we're where we should be, whatever the case is. And um I think that if you have a lot of moments like that, you know, you're you're gonna be more successful in your relationship. Yeah. Yeah. Dang, I'm getting very deep, huh? You are okay. Next one is communication solves everything.

SPEAKER_00 46:45

I think so. Yeah, to a certain extent. I mean, there's some things that cannot be fixed, right? Um, but if it is something that is not um too serious, definitely communication will do.

SPEAKER_03 47:02

I mean, hiding something or avoiding doesn't make things better in the long run. No, no, and I think that the more you open up, obviously you're gonna gain trust. I mean, if you're already married in your relationship, you should have that trust obviously already. But you know, things do happen along the way, you know, in marriages, relationships, whatever you whatever, you know, and sometimes you might lose that trust for a little bit or whatever the case is. And it happens, yeah, you know, in any kind of relationship. Um, but if you're just honest, what's the saying?

SPEAKER_00 47:39

Uh honesty is the best medicine, I think is what it's honesty is the best policy, policy, best medicine, or something.

SPEAKER_03 47:45

I don't know, something like that. But uh, I think it's true though. I think it is true. You and you gotta be honest with yourself too. Like if you're if you're going through a hard time and you're struggling with something, you have to let your your partner know what's going on. You know, because they're they're not they they're not mind readers, you know, you're not gonna be able to guess everything that's happening, yeah. Even though you're married, you you oh you you should know you're my wife. No, that doesn't necessarily the case.

SPEAKER_00 48:09

No, like you said, we're we're not mind readers, no, and what's bothering you, I may not even be aware of. So yeah, you definitely need to communicate.

SPEAKER_03 48:18

Yeah, absolutely. Um let's get into a fun one, okay? Okay, what would you rather have separate vacations or bathrooms? Bathrooms. If you had to. If I had to no that you you answered that one very quickly.

SPEAKER_00 48:35

Well, because I wouldn't want to vacation without you, right? Right. That's why I said bathroom. But we've shared bathrooms our entire marriage, yeah. So, and I I think we do a very good job. Our bathroom is actually clean.

SPEAKER_03 48:48

I mean, we we have our own sink.

SPEAKER_00 48:49

Yeah, we have oh that's a plus same bathroom, different sinks, right? Yeah, but I would not want to travel without you, yeah. Oh, unless I'm doing a girls' trip.

SPEAKER_03 48:58

And and you have done girls trip.

SPEAKER_00 49:00

We've done girls' trip, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 49:02

Yeah, me not so much. I haven't really done guide trips. Um, would you rather always share a closet or always share one car?

SPEAKER_00 49:12

One car.

SPEAKER_03 49:13

One car, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you need that closet, huh?

SPEAKER_00 49:16

I need that closet.

SPEAKER_03 49:17

Uh, but you know, we we did we did share a car uh in the beginning when we were first got married. We had your car basically, basically, yes. And then we had to get the the Ford Explorer, and we shared a closet at the time. We shared a closet, you know, and going back to those those times uh when we first got married. I mean, literally, we lived like in a little closet. Yes, it was a little closet. We had an air mattress. Sometimes we slept in my car, sometimes, yeah, yeah, depending on the situation. But then when we eventually got a place that we say, okay, this is our spot, it was a one little bedroom uh place. Yeah, literally we had nothing, right?

SPEAKER_00 49:59

Like I said, like I mentioned, we had an air mattress, all of our furniture was air air inflatable. There you go.

SPEAKER_03 50:05

We had a cardboard uh dresser. Yes. I remember we bought a cardboard dresser. I don't know if we got it at Walmart, Ikea? I I don't know where we got it, but literally you had to build it cardboard, like you had to build it, you know, the segments or whatever.

SPEAKER_00 50:21

Hard cardboard.

SPEAKER_03 50:22

Yeah, it was a hard cardboard, obviously. Uh, but I remember having to build that little thing, and but at the time I was like, dude, we have our own little place. I didn't care.

SPEAKER_00 50:31

But wait, didn't we do that? Because we would put the baby's clothes in the baby's clothes, and we had our stuff in a plastic tupperware, yes, or in bags. Well, it was um the like a three-drawer truck uh like plastic drawers from Walmart.

SPEAKER_03 50:45

That's yeah, and but I had I had stuff in bags too, though.

SPEAKER_00 50:48

Yeah, um in the trunk of the car, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 50:51

Because we did we didn't uh you know, we didn't have a whole lot, obviously, but I remember you bringing me food from the from the chow hall. Yeah, and the chow hall is like you know, your your mess hall, what do you call it? Um the cafeteria where where Marines eat. Um, and I was working like odd jobs, you know, working at Radio Shack for a few hours. Then I had another job at the Boys and Girls Club, Mervyn's, Mervyn's, yeah. Uh, and those those don't even exist anymore. Mervins. It's like a Coles.

SPEAKER_00 51:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 51:21

You know, nowadays. Um, but yeah, odd jobs, one car, um, one room, one room. You know, we had just basically the essentials and necessities to basically survive. Um, living literally paycheck to paycheck. We had to get payday advances sometimes, yeah, sometimes because we couldn't afford to pay our bills.

SPEAKER_00 51:46

Yeah. I remember one time your parents came to visit and they looked at us like poor guys, like they felt so bad for us. Because we were living we were at that time we were staying with uh one of your friends, um and our daughter had gotten really sick. Um, and because we were working full time and uh we couldn't put take her to daycare, your your mom came for her um and took her for a few days. Yes. Um, so I mean, and they looked at us like, oh, you guys are in trouble. Yeah, you guys are in so much trouble. Like I I they felt so hard bad for us.

SPEAKER_03 52:17

I mean, we were young. Yeah, literally, if you look if you look I was 20. If you look at pictures from that era, we look like little kids. We look like little kids.

SPEAKER_00 52:26

Yeah, I know.

SPEAKER_03 52:27

Yeah, yeah. And it's like, okay, it it's it's nice to reminisce and look, but then you also think about the hard times that we went through, but then now look where we're at.

SPEAKER_00 52:37

Yeah, I bet you they're like, I don't know how they're gonna survive this. Yeah. And look at us now, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 52:44

Um, another fun one here. Would you rather your spouse narrate your life or choose your outfits?

SPEAKER_00 52:52

You have a great voice, so I'm gonna say narrate my life.

SPEAKER_03 52:56

Oh, thank you. Really?

SPEAKER_00 52:57

Yes, okay. Not only that, but you pick me up, like you're always embellishing.

SPEAKER_03 53:03

I wouldn't say I wouldn't say embellished.

SPEAKER_00 53:06

Well, I mean, uh, you you point out a lot of good things about me.

SPEAKER_03 53:10

I think I just like to mention things that I am proud of uh with your accomplishments. You know, obviously you you retired from the Marine Corps. Yeah, we both did, and then now you're in a career, and I don't give a lot of details, but you're in a position where you have a lot of responsibility and you move you've moved up uh fairly rapidly. And so why not be proud of that? So, I mean, yeah, I would like I said I wouldn't say embellishments, I would just say proud moments, you know, proud comments or whatever, however you want to say it, all right. Okay, um let's get into um some advice, all right? Okay, to the listeners out there, especially the ones that are either recently married or they're thinking about getting married. Um, what's one lesson that you think or we think uh or we would have liked to have learned early on in our marriage?

SPEAKER_00 54:14

Well, one piece of advice that I give to my kids all the time is do not start a life with somebody until you are settled. Um, make sure that you have a career, make sure that you're able to um support yourself so that you know they don't have to go through all the hardships that we went through. So that would be my advice to everyone as well is make sure that you're in a good position um and that you are going to uh if you're gonna welcome a family or a child in in in in your situation that you're able to to handle it and be able to financially support because it was tough.

SPEAKER_03 54:52

It was so yeah, and and nowadays I think it's even harder for this newer generation with the economy, with just even finding a job that pays enough. Uh it's it's super hard, even with a degree. It is um, it it's just not the same what it what it was. Uh, you know, we were fortunate enough to have opportunities in our days, and I I don't think that they get the same opportunities nowadays. I don't know, that's just the way I feel.

SPEAKER_00 55:22

Well, I mean, the economy is not its at its best.

SPEAKER_03 55:26

Right.

SPEAKER_00 55:27

Houses are super expensive.

SPEAKER_03 55:28

Oh, yeah, that's the other thing I was gonna mention.

SPEAKER_00 55:30

Apartments are super expensive. Uh, we have four kids, all of them still live at home, and our son, I mean, he lives at home, but he lives in an RV parked in front of our house because the rent is so ridiculous.

SPEAKER_03 55:45

But that's an accomplishment if you think about it. Oh, yeah, it is.

SPEAKER_00 55:47

But what I'm saying is, yeah, you know, you have to be creative nowadays to be able to survive out there.

SPEAKER_03 55:55

Yeah, and and there, you know, the the young people now, like I said, our kids, we have two older kids that are in their 20s, early 20s. And uh we were just talking to our our daughter the other day, like she's gonna have to have a roommate, you know, when she leaves to go to you know, Orange County or whatever in her next the next phase of her life or whatever, because she's not gonna be able to do it on her own. Yeah, you know, and that's just the reality. And I think more and more it's more and more common now where the kids stay home even in their 30s. Yeah, you know, and I think that's just gonna be more common moving forward. And don't get me wrong, I love having our kids here. Um, and I know you say it too. I do, yeah. Because we we do get to spend a lot of time and we get to share things that we normally wouldn't, you know, if they were living obviously somewhere else. Um, so that I'm grateful for. Sometimes they're a little messy, but we can live with that. Okay, another another question here. What's something couples should laugh about more?

SPEAKER_00 57:01

They're imperfections.

SPEAKER_03 57:03

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Imperfects, because we're not none of us are perfect, obviously. And and when you first get married and you move in for the first time and you've been living together for a few months, you're gonna start to see those imperfections.

SPEAKER_00 57:18

Yes, yeah, even like there's no way to hide.

SPEAKER_03 57:22

No, but even like the way you eat, the way you chew. Go ahead, you can say it like no, no, no, you can't.

SPEAKER_00 57:27

Why are you chewing so loud? Uh yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 57:30

Oh, why why are you flickering or like you know why are you brushing your teeth that way?

SPEAKER_00 57:34

Or you know, it's just little things, some things you notice everything.

SPEAKER_03 57:38

So be ready for that, be patient, be patient, yes, yeah. And that that's what I was gonna say is be patient, be understanding. Uh, you're not gonna get everything right, yes. Um, and then the last thing is what's the best marriage tip that we can give the listeners out there?

SPEAKER_00 57:59

Hmm. What's the best tip I know mine, I know mine.

SPEAKER_03 58:02

Go ahead. Um communication for me, because that's one thing that I struggled with early on in our marriage was just not being able to communicate effectively. Yeah, you know, because I was just so um prideful, or I just didn't know how to talk. Yeah, you know, that it was that simple. You know, I just didn't know how to communicate.

SPEAKER_00 58:25

One of my favorite things that we do is set goals.

SPEAKER_01 58:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 58:29

Um, and we have at the beginning of the year, we'll go on a date night and you've written down your goals, I've written down my goals, and then we compare and see, you know, what can we accomplish this year? Okay. Um, or in the next five or ten years. And I think that has definitely taken us, you know, to the point where we are right now.

SPEAKER_03 58:51

Right.

SPEAKER_00 58:52

So if you have goals and you share a life with someone who has, you know, similar values and and goals, I mean, you could accomplish so much.

SPEAKER_03 59:02

It doesn't, and it doesn't even matter how big the goals are. No, it doesn't.

SPEAKER_00 59:06

No, and it could be, I mean, we have our goals are broken down like finances, trips, yeah, um, retirement, retirement, uh business, even the kids, even we have goals for the kids too. Yes, even goals for the kids. I mean, this was one of your goals. Right. And look, look at you, you're on the podcast.

SPEAKER_03 59:24

Yeah, I mean, you just gotta set out and do it. Yeah, uh, and then you know, it some things may not happen as fast as you want them to. You have to compromise, yeah. You gotta compromise, but if you stay at it, eventually, you know, if you keep going and you keep keep at it, you you're gonna you're gonna reach you're gonna reach your goals, you're gonna get where you wanna be. Yep. Um so before we leave, uh, and we close this episode out, let's let's leave, let's leave with this, okay? What's one thing you're grateful about your spouse this week?

SPEAKER_00 1:00:01

The one thing I'm grateful about you is that you understand how I'm feeling. This has been a tough week, and we go on vacation in two weeks and we always talk to Hawaii. But and we always talk about it. It just seems that when you're getting ready to go on vacation, it seems that that is the moment that everything gets dropped, oh yeah, or projects are moving forward, or you have more deadlines. And I've been really tired.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:30

Um, and you've been very, very um supported. And you tell me take a nap, and you know, don't worry about working out, don't worry about you know doing XYZ, just you know, relax and rest, and and you allow me to to just unwind and vent and just be me and just try to recover.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:54

All right, good to know. Uh for me, I would say um, since I've been getting this podcast going this particular week, here is helping me with the interior decoration of my studio. Okay, just you being part of like measurements and you know, the soundproof walls, and I know it's like okay, whatever, but that's uh huge for me. Getting the AC system for my studio, you know. Um it's been hot. It's been hot. And you know, and eventually the goal is to get my podcast on, you know, video. So, you know, eventually we'll be on YouTube. Um, but right now, you know, we're we're on audio only. We'll get there eventually, but that's what I'm talking about. Is I'm just grateful for you helping me get to where I want to be with this with this journey, this adventure of uh of this podcast. We'll see where it goes. I mean, I'm having a good time, you know. Um every episode is a different flavor. Uh every episode we we talk about different different subjects. Um, and as I mentioned earlier when when I introduced you, um, I would love it if you would come on more and and and you know be my co-host. Um, because I think that um just two minds are better than one, you know what I mean? So thank you very much to all the listeners for once again for tuning in. Uh I appreciate um everything. I've you know it's only this is only gonna be episode four, uh, we're gonna be putting out there, but I've already had some good positive comments out there. So thank you for for that. Um, any closing thoughts for you?

SPEAKER_00 1:02:34

Um regarding marriage or marriage or anything, yeah. Um, I just want to say that I've really enjoyed this last 26 years. We've had a lot of ups and downs. Yeah. Um, but as long as you have somebody by your side that supports you, yeah um in your goals and everything you do, you'll be okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:54

Yeah, ditto, ditto to that. So I I definitely agree with that, and thank you. Um, so that concludes today's episode. Thank you so much, my beautiful wife, for joining me today. And uh, like I said, we'll see, we'll hopefully you come on in next time. Come on next time. If you're enjoying the podcast and want to help support future episodes, you can check out the link in the show notes. Your support helps keep the podcast going, and it's greatly appreciated. Also, please leave a review and share with friends. That's Sergio Says It Straight, where the truth comes out. Whether we planned it or not, catch you next time.