Empowerment Through The Darkness

Music:  "Everything Is Working Out" by Sarah, the Illstrumentalist, licensed under Epidemic Sound.  Original work available at https://www.epidemicsound.com/music/tracks/d82030d0-11ae-4ed6-b8c0-54046531b869/.

In this episode, I talk to a phone guest, Christian Navarro,  a fellow retired Marine and a close friend to discuss his book , "Empowerment Through The Darkness, a deeply personal look at the internal struggles many people face but rarely talk about.  We explore his journey from childhood and military service to becoming an author, and how those experiences shaped both his strengths and his inner battles.

A major focus of our conversation is the "inner critic" - the internal voice that can drive high performance on the outside while creating doubt, pressure, and self-criticism on the inside.  He shares how this voice showed up in his life, how it influenced his relationships, leadership, and sense of identity, and what it took to finally begin confronting it rather than suppressing it.  

We also talk through some of the darker seasons of his life, including the moments that forced him to pause and reevaluate everything.  From there, we move into what healing and growth looked like for him- what helped him turn things around, how his perspective on strength has evolved, and the role that discipline, awareness, and support  systems played in the process.

The conversation also dives into why he felt compelled to write this book, who it's intended to help, and what he hopes readers take away from it.  At its core, this is a story about learning to face internal struggles head-on and finding empowerment not by ignoring the darkness, but by working through it.

We close with reflections on leadership, military culture, and mental resilience, along with practical insights for anyone who may be dealing with their own inner battles.  This episode is ultimately about growth, honesty, and the reminder that real strength often comes from confronting what's happening within us-not just what the world sees on the outside.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:06

This is Sir Just Says It Straight. Straight talk. Real people. No filter. Say it straight or don't say it at all.

SPEAKER_01 0:21

What's up, everyone? Welcome to another episode. Thank you for the continued listeners out there for tuning in as always. Very grateful for that. Today I have a phone guest calling from Colorado, Loveland, Colorado. Is it Loveland or yeah, Loveland, right? You're in Loveland, Kristen?

SPEAKER_03 0:39

Pretty much. I'm in Johnstown.

SPEAKER_01 0:41

So it's like Johnstown slash Loveland, Colorado. Beautiful place, by the way. Pretty much. Yeah, uh friend of mine, uh compadre, uh, retired marine author, which we will be talking about here uh shortly. And I'm also gonna say a worldwide traveler. Is that accurate? You'd love to travel, comp.

SPEAKER_03 1:01

Yeah, yeah. Family's gone there. They gave me the bug, and so yeah, we just got back.

SPEAKER_01 1:05

So it's it's been I know you got just you just got back from vacation and you were in Europe, right?

SPEAKER_03 1:11

Correct, man. It was six countries we went and visited for about 15 days, so split up between London, Poland, Italy, Israel, Spain, and Ice Iceland as well, man.

SPEAKER_01 1:30

That sounds like a great trip, Compa. Great trip. Um, which which one was your favorite, by the way, uh, from the six you visited this last vacation?

SPEAKER_03 1:40

I think the new ones that we that we went to, like Poland, uh, you have the historical reference there. We went to uh Krakow, which was close to Auschwitz.

SPEAKER_01 1:52

I thought you said Krackhouse for a second.

SPEAKER_03 1:57

Yeah, the uh historical reference being Auschwitz. That was just being on the train, leaving there, and seeing the photos is just man, that that hit home. And then going from that uh, you know, obviously spending a good time in Italy. We already been there. Um, but it was good to see friends and people that we consider family out there.

SPEAKER_01 2:18

That's awesome.

SPEAKER_03 2:19

Going to Jerusalem was was nice. I mean, you see the um Via Dolorosa, you see the Garden of Gethsemane, the Mount of Olives, um, and it was it was it was a good time, man.

SPEAKER_01 2:33

Oh, I bet a good time. I bet. And uh I know that you hosted us in Italy a few years back, so very thankful for that. I had a great experience out there in Naples and other parts of Italy. I think we mentioned I don't know if I mentioned you in one of the episodes as far as your crazy driving in Italy, but the Naples kisses, is that what you call them when you're driving out there and all the cars are are basically running into each other, right? In Italy.

SPEAKER_03 2:54

Oh, yeah. You you have to be careful. I mean, those streets are small, the cars are just a little bit wider as such, and yeah, man, you you just have to just poop you hit you hit somebody's yeah, um, the rear view mirrors for the side side mirrors and all. Hey man.

SPEAKER_01 3:10

I know you took us. I remember you took us, you dropped us off at the train station, or I believe, and um on the way there. I don't know if we were running late or something, but man, I remember you taking the road on the opposite side and there was incoming traffic. I don't know if you remember that. And then you veered back into the correct lane. You got us there on time, so I appreciate that. We made it. We we caught our train to Rome, but I just remember that little trip and just how crazy driving is in Italy. So, once again, thanks again for hosting us there.

SPEAKER_03 3:39

Um, always a pleasure.

SPEAKER_01 3:41

Yeah, so today we're gonna go ahead and talk about uh a book that you've you've written called Empowerment Through Darkness. Um and uh this book it's about the battles that don't happen on the battlefield. Obviously, we're retired Marines here, but they're happening inside our minds, right? Because we struggle, a lot of people do struggle uh with with mental health and just in general. Um, so we're gonna get into your book and uh and then along the way, man, we might talk about other things as well. Um, but uh yeah, if you don't mind, let's get straight into it.

unknown 4:17

Yeah, definitely.

SPEAKER_01 4:18

Okay, so uh your book, once again, Empowerment Through Darkness. Um, can you tell us a little bit before we get into the book, a little bit about yourself, though? Because I know it's related to the book, but if you can tell us a little bit about yourself, like where did you grow up? What kind of kid were you growing up?

SPEAKER_03 4:36

Yeah, so I grew up in Santa Barbara, California. Um, you know, didn't didn't grow up with, you know, obviously all the rich folks over there, such. Yeah, you know, mom and dad divorced when I was about four or five, I want to say. Okay. And mom got custody of us, and then dad was trying to, you know, fight as much as he could, but um, and ended up losing that battle. Um, and pretty much lived with my mom and my older brother, older sister, um, up until I I graduated. Um, and during that time, you know, my dad got remarried, so you know, he he had a whole new other family, you know, I have um half siblings with them, you know, old a younger sister and two younger brothers as well.

SPEAKER_01 5:32

Okay.

unknown 5:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:34

And then no, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead.

SPEAKER_03 5:37

And after I graduated, then it was just three days after that, it was straight into the Marine Corps.

SPEAKER_01 5:44

And that's what I was gonna ask you. Like, what drew you to the Marine Corps?

SPEAKER_03 5:48

It was my junior year in high school, and I was taking a typing class at that time, uh, which gave me access to the internet. And a little before that, my brother had joined the Navy so that he could support his family and such. And we kept in touch through email, and uh, I only had email just because of that typing class. So I would hear his stories of the different countries he was visiting, what he was doing, and I was like, you know what? At that time, I'd been playing in the marching band and the drums for about three years, I want to say, yeah, and never really challenged myself. Um, but I knew looking at everybody else, as far as those who graduated high school, I was like, man, I don't want to be at home with my mom. And you know, having to bring somebody over and be like, shh, quiet, you know, we gotta be quiet about mom's asleep right now. Like, that's that's not how I viewed myself as a man. And I was like, you know what? If I'm gonna go, I might as well go, not come back, but definitely do something that is crazy, but not like that dumb crazy where, like, dude, this is gonna mess up this life. But that crazy tour, if this works out, it's gonna be something phenomenal. Yeah, and my brother tried getting me to join the Navy.

SPEAKER_00 7:18

You're like, hell yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:20

I saw I saw those white um bell bottoms coming in, and I was like, nope.

SPEAKER_01 7:29

Nothing against the Navy, man, because they're you know, they're we're part of the Department of the Navy, but yeah, I just couldn't do it either. Yeah, um, so looking obviously, in regards to the book, obviously, um it talks about the inner critic in you, right? Um so did you have that inner critic in you before joining the military, even I would say so.

SPEAKER_03 7:56

Um, the first time I noticed it was during a rock climbing um event that I signed up for. I can't remember uh what it was or what organization um was hosting it, but I was like, you know what? It's rock climbing, right?

SPEAKER_02 8:11

Right, right.

SPEAKER_03 8:12

One foot in front of the other, you know, in front of the other, you pull, and I was like, oh, that's easy. And I remember going up and driving, you know, in the van, going up there, but as soon as we got out of the van, it felt like like that pressure was just like immense. And going hiking up to where we're gonna climb at, you know, I could feel the the little bit of that stress, a little bit of that anxiety starting to kick in. And I'm trying to keep it cool. Yeah, yeah, all right. You'll be fine. You'll be fine. When I started getting the equipment on me, that's when I felt a little bit more.

SPEAKER_01 8:54

And it was because it was real at that point, probably.

SPEAKER_03 8:57

Yeah, yeah. Now now it's like, hey, it's right in front of me, now you gotta do it. So when I tried climbing, it felt like, why are you doing this? You've never done this before. Like you need to get down, like you can't go out there. Um, but I tried, I was trying, you know, listening to the to the instructors there, trying to do what they were telling me, but that mental block just I don't know, I couldn't get past it. And um, you know, I I snapped at the instructors, told them to get me down, I'm not gonna be able to do this, and talk about like you know, being a dog and having that tail in between your legs. Like that's how I felt for me. And I just felt like, man, just like shit, you know, yeah, down on myself or just giving up. Um, but that was just that first time that I noticed it. Um obviously, you know, like in high school, you see it, you know, you you have those thoughts a lot more, especially like you know, if you're trying to talk to the opposite sex.

SPEAKER_01 10:00

Yeah. That's always hard as it is.

SPEAKER_03 10:03

Yeah, yeah. Because we're we're self-conscious of am I gonna look dumb? Well, what if this, what if they say no? What if they make fun of me? What if all this stuff kind of goes about, and it stops some of us from tr even trying um to do that stuff? So yeah, yeah, man, it was it was definitely prevalent there.

SPEAKER_01 10:22

Yeah, and I know you mentioned it in chapter one of your book, The Roots of the Inner Critic. I know you mentioned the eight-year-old story right there. Um, so going back to that, like how did you begin to write openly about this? Is there something that happened in your life where you're like, you know, I gotta write about this? Uh can you tell us a little bit about that?

SPEAKER_03 10:43

I want to say it was probably when I had just finished recruiting duty.

SPEAKER_02 10:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:58

And when I really started just to write down what was going on as such, and kind of just remembering the good moments, bad. And that was when I started to kind of see you know how I could use all the information that I've gained and being able to put it in together to to kind of show people like, hey, let me let me kind of put myself out there and see if they're thinking the same way as well.

SPEAKER_00 11:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 11:33

And when I started seeing that, I was like, okay, that's that's the first one. And it just kept happening over and over and over again. And I was like, well, I was like, why not just write a book? And slowly started typing up, you know, remembering everything that I jotted down, notes, uh, books that I've read that helped out and such. And yeah, I just kept at it.

SPEAKER_01 11:57

So I know in your preface, it says this isn't just another book. Uh it starts from ground zero, uh, the place most of us actually live, acknowledging that conquering your inner critic is brutal. It's an ongoing battle, and then you share your experiences, obviously, in the book along the way in different chapters, hard lessons, uh, but you also share practical techniques that you used to finally fight back, right? The inner critic. Yeah. Uh, and the goal here is to help you remain uh reclaim basically reclaim your life on your own terms uh through vulnerability, self-reflection, and and your daily commitment. Um, so is that about accurate?

SPEAKER_03 12:41

Yeah, yeah, definitely. I mean, you know, we have these thoughts, you know, and I like to say that you're gonna talk to yourself a lot more than you will ever speak to your spouse, significant other, yeah, your best friend. Like, as much as they know you, they don't know those inner thoughts that you're telling yourself.

SPEAKER_00 13:08

Right, right. Right.

SPEAKER_03 13:09

Um, because you know, for for some of us, it could be we're ashamed of it, we're not too proud of, you know, what what had happened before. Um you know, there there's always that wall that we have right there. And for some, the past can be a prison sentence where they feel like they're being always, you know, they're you know, the reason why life isn't going good is because of those past experiences. Or they're you know, a slave to the future of what if this, what if that, what if this doesn't work? So it's like it's both, right? It's either the future is holding you back because you're thinking you're not gonna get there, it's not the right time, you need more to make that first step, yeah, or from your past experiences because you're kicking yourself in the butt because you didn't go as hard, you didn't do it as good as you could have, as such.

SPEAKER_01 14:10

Yeah, and you know, I would say most of us, if not all of us, go through something like that. You know, some of us a little bit more severe than others, but at the end of the day, like we're our worst critics, I think. And we we put ourselves down. I know I still do at times because I don't think I'm doing the best that I can, or I should be doing more, whatever the case is. Um and then and it's hard to open up, you know. Even if you got your cloth, even to your closest friends sometimes, that's hard. Because uh you don't feel like you want to get criticized or like looked at differently, and especially coming from the background that we do, you know, retired Marines, there's a certain stigma about how we're supposed to act, how we're supposed to be as Marines, we're supposed to be solid, you know, like a wall, nothing should be affecting us, but that's far from the truth, you know. And I think a lot of the times it just takes that one conversation or just the courage to open up, and whatever it is that you're battling, um, it just takes that one moment to go ahead and open up and and things can change from that instant for most for some people.

SPEAKER_03 15:21

Yeah, yeah, definitely for some. Um, it's it is tough just because you know it is internal, right? Yeah, um, but the part with that is that you know yourself and you know the excuses you give into, the excuses that you will kind of say, yep, that's the reason why I'm gonna wait next week. Or no, I need a way for this to be set up. Um, but it's kind of like you said, right? You have to have that trust to feel you know, that vulnerability from somebody else to open up about it, um, and them kind of discussing with it with you, and also having that genuineness that hey, somebody's asking you not because it's it's a check in the box, but they're asking you because they care. Yeah, so if you know somebody like cares about you, they're asking, and they're showing a little bit of vulnerability that you could connect with, that provides that open door for somebody to kind of like, well, yeah, you know, I've also felt that way as well. Like, hey man, like, let's talk about it. Like, how's it affect you?

SPEAKER_01 16:35

Yeah, and I think it's harder for males too in general, uh, just because you know, males are typically raised a little bit differently. You're supposed to be tougher, whatever the case is, and it's a little harder. Um, but you know, it's okay to be vulnerable, you know, because it does affect you in your everyday life, you know, if you don't if you don't talk about it. And then um what you know, obviously, write a book, you know, about your experiences uh with your inner critic. I mean, you gotta put yourself out there, obviously. You know, people are gonna read your experiences, whatever the case is. How does that make you feel?

SPEAKER_03 17:11

Nervous at first, for sure, because you know, for me to have gone to this point, um, one of the one of the big things with the book is writing down every negative thought that you tell yourself on a regular basis.

SPEAKER_02 17:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:32

And you know, I use a method where, well, it's I guess it would pretty much be my method because I've never I haven't seen anywhere else, but you grab a piece of paper, trifold it like uh like you're sending the letter, and in the left section, you write down every single negative thought. And I remember looking at that piece of paper for man months. Because whenever I would look at it and be like, why am I gonna write this down? Like, I already know this stuff. Like this, this is dumb. Like, what's the whole point of this? Right? Right, right. Or, you know, I'm busy, I don't have time, I'm just tired. It's Friday, I just want to veg out on streaming and movies or social media and such. So, you know, I had to recognize what I was telling myself and and just giving in so quickly. Um, but when I wrote down that first one and just seeing it there, like after writing it down and just seeing it, I was like, huh, that's not as bad as I thought it was. Yeah, and then I started writing the next one. Um with doing that, that really gave me that comfort of okay, it's it's not as bad as it is, it's mostly just in my head. And because I'm just thinking about it all the time, you know, it kind of leads to roman uh rumination, where if you're constantly just thinking about your problems, yeah, you're just gonna make it that much worse for yourself.

SPEAKER_01 19:09

Oh, yeah. It it it starts to pull you down. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:14

So when I wrote it down, that gave me that huge comfort of okay, I'm gonna be okay with this with people reading. Um, because I wrote in there, right? Like I wrote in the things that I would tell myself. I'm a shitty dad, um, even worse husband, um, you know, uh a bad leader. Like all the little things that when I would make a mistake, what I would tell myself if I was driving, if I was trying to relax, boom, those thoughts just immediately pop in my head. I'm just like, uh, yeah, why did I make that dumb mistake?

SPEAKER_01 19:51

And that's chapter four, right? Recognizing the inner critic's voice. You mentioned that uh about the paper. Um, and like, and uh the question to you though, like the way you just described yourself, I'm a shitty dad, etc. etc. Did somebody actually tell you that? No, right? That's just something you thought of on your own.

SPEAKER_03 20:11

Yeah, um, it was because at that time, um, when I was having those thoughts, you know, Sadie, she was barely born.

SPEAKER_00 20:22

Right.

SPEAKER_03 20:22

And I was working like my ass off at the unit where I was playing at least, you know, more than 12 hours plus to make sure the Marines were trained. Yeah, we had enough qualls to the for the next deployment that was coming up, making sure you know the Marines were getting their training done with uh rifle physical fitness and such. But when I would get home, I'd be exhausted going by.

SPEAKER_01 20:51

Oh, I know the feeling, man.

SPEAKER_03 20:54

Jazz would also be tired because she had no help either. And so I would I just get back and I'd be like, I'm sorry, I can't take care of her because I'm I'm I'm just deadbeat tired after eating. Yeah, it was immediately crashing out and such. Or you know, if I was on the phone, I wanted to take a little break and just veg out. Yeah, it's you know, but I chose that over you know, being able to take care of my daughter or hanging out with her, um, and such. Um I see now thinking about that like after I got out, still hit like the anxiety of the stress, just feeling like crap, just like, man, why did I do that?

SPEAKER_01 21:42

You know, yeah, self-reflecting. Yeah. And I've been there too, man. I I always talk to my wife, and and we mention it every now and then. We talk about it like, man, we our kids, you know, being in the military, being in the Marine Corps, you know, brutal schedule, obviously. You're you're gone a lot of the times, the hours are insane, especially if you're On a special duty like recruiting duty, which I talked about in one of my episodes. Um, there's not a lot of time. And then we look back and we're like, damn, we missed so much. You know, not that we missed on purpose, but there's some things that you know you could have made more of an effort to be there. And looking back, like, why didn't I? You know, and that's what hurts, that's what sucks. Um, so I feel you on that end. I feel you on that end.

SPEAKER_03 22:25

Yeah, like I've it's it's one where I think even just for the regular person, like it's it's gonna be there. It's life, man.

SPEAKER_01 22:32

Yeah, it's life.

SPEAKER_03 22:33

It's gonna happen. You're you're gonna have it. It's you know, you're you're trying to meet the necessities of life, you know, of hey, putting food on the table, working, paying the bills, doing the regular stuff, um, working your regular hours, sometimes longer than others, events going on. So it's gonna happen uh as such. So I think for people it's just to recognize that, like, hey man, like it's normal. Nothing, nothing is wrong with you. Nothing, you know, you're not the only one that this is happening to, trust me.

SPEAKER_00 23:04

Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 23:05

By all means, you are not the only one. There's like there's everybody else that's going through their stuff, and I think it's kind of like how Robin Williams said, like, you know, try to be kind to everybody else because you don't know the battles going through right now.

SPEAKER_01 23:19

Yeah, and that's one thing that I'm learning right now is just be nice. Like, I I you know, I haven't been the nicest person my whole life, and I'm gonna admit that. I'll I'll I'll take that. Uh, I've been kind of a jerk at times, uh, not the nicest person. Uh, but now I'm learning, like, dude, just treat people the way you want to be treated. It's as simple as that. And it does make a difference. And of course, you got your jerks out there that no matter how nice you are to them, they're gonna be jerks. Uh, but if you throw out that good energy, usually you're gonna you're gonna get it back, usually. And I'm a big, a big believer of that.

SPEAKER_03 23:56

I think now as I've gotten older, because you always hear, right, kompa, it's you know, try to find your happiness. Yeah and for me, it's try to find my peace. Yeah, peace doesn't mean, you know, like everything is perfect, I'm gonna be happy. No, just peace where I'm okay with how things are in life right now. Yeah, and yeah, can they be better? Yes, but I don't there it, you know, just because I get a bigger house, a fancier car, I'm able to travel more, that doesn't mean I'm gonna be happy. Yeah, it's nice and cool cultural experiences and have them, but for me, being at peace is just I'm okay where I'm at right now. Yeah, I like it.

SPEAKER_01 24:40

Yeah, no, that's good. That's good. If you're in a place like that, that's fantastic because you know, a lot of people struggle with that. And you know, um, I think I've mentioned this before, like material things. I used to think that material things were so important. Uh, you know, the the car, like you mentioned, or the house, and this and that. Like, yeah, it's nice to have those things, but it doesn't define who I am. You know, I've been blessed to have a good career, you know, did my time in the Marine Corps, I have a great job, um, made some great decisions financially in my life, or I'm I'm good where I'm at, but don't think, don't take things for granted. Um, and then as Marines, I don't know. I think a lot of us, I can speak for myself, you know, when you're uh you've been in certain situations where, man, your life was at risk, let's just say, and you come back from a deployment or whatever, you you start to see things a little bit differently. Um, so you kind of start to think, like, man, where why wasn't I appreciating this stuff before it had to take something traumatic for me to realize that the things that are most important are in front of you. You know what I'm saying? What I'm saying?

SPEAKER_03 25:46

Oh, yeah. I think um with that, I think people will comparing yourselves is the one thing that kind of just takes away from people's peace as such, right? Because yeah, they could have a house, they might not be eating, you know, like fancy all the time. They have food, they're able to cover their bills. Yeah, but because they look at their friends, and their friends are even better off than them, you know, they look at their life like, oh man, this sucks. Like, I wish I wish I could have that life, you know, I wish I could do that. That's like an easy thing to kind of recognize is you know, don't compare yourself to somebody else. You know, just because you have they have a big house or they're rich doesn't necessarily mean that you know they're better or happier. Yeah, yeah. I mean, we could look at the numerous people of celebrities that have committed suicide.

SPEAKER_02 26:40

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:40

And you're like, wow, why would why would that guy commit suicide? I mean, yeah, everything going on for them is just it's just telling us like, hey, look, money isn't isn't always gonna equal happiness. It's not build those relationships with the people around you. Yeah, you know, that's what's gonna be leading you to uh a peaceful life.

SPEAKER_01 26:59

Yeah, and and you just mentioned suicide, not to get dark or anything, which we are gonna talk a little bit about dark stuff right now, but suicide's huge, man, and that's one of the things that I've battled with for a long time is I've had numerous friends that have committed suicide uh throughout my time. Um, you know, during while I was on active duty, after I retired, uh and it it every single one of those hits just as hard, you know, and having to you know go through that multiple times, um that's put me in a dark place, you know, in the past. But now, once again, talking about like you know, you gotta get past it, you have to look at what's in front of you, appreciate what you have. Um, it's easier for me now to kind of not dwell on it so much and not feel guilty about certain things that even though, yeah, uh the individual did commit suicide that was on their on their end. Somehow, I don't know why Marines are like this. Or people, I mean, some people in general, like, oh, what could I have done? I could have done something, you know. I was their leader, I was their you know, their their sergeant, I was whatever, I should have been checking up on them more, whatever. Um that kind of mentality, it's draining uh at times, and it's like because you always want to be the savior and the person that comes through and and you know, whatever makes things better. Um, but yeah, I just kind of wanted to hit on that real quick. Did you mention the suicide portion? That's a very serious topic. That's a whole nother episode on its own, man.

SPEAKER_03 28:22

But yeah, I think like what you said, right? Like I had you know, uh one of the Marines that I served with, he committed suicide as well. And instantly, right? Like you felt like, damn, I should have reached out to this dude sooner. Yeah, why didn't I see the signs? Why wasn't this kind of going on? Right. It's it's not even that it it belongs to a certain group, um, but you always hear the same things like I didn't see the signs, like what was going on? Yeah, it and just goes back to everybody has a wall, right?

SPEAKER_00 29:00

Right, right.

SPEAKER_03 29:01

And it's it's easy to stay in the conversations that are very surface level. How are you doing? And you're always gonna get the oh, I'm fine, I'm good.

SPEAKER_01 29:10

Yeah, yeah, of course.

SPEAKER_03 29:11

Just it's just another day, right?

SPEAKER_01 29:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 29:13

Um, even where you hear like some of the senior Marines, like the Sarm Majors, and you know, you got officers that yeah, the higher the higher rank side, and they're just like, Oh, we didn't see anything. I was like, Well, did you really see the signs as far as when they were talking to you about, you know, you were trying to see if they had any issues, was it did you accept the I'm okay, I'm fine, and just leave it at that vice, you know what? No, right, Sarge Major, like what's up, man? Like, what's going on? This isn't normal. Like, what are you doing? Like, no, sir, I'm fine. Like, no, no, no, no, bro.

SPEAKER_00 29:49

Let's stop.

SPEAKER_03 29:50

Stop this. Yeah, you're not gonna say I'm fine again, okay? Because I know you're not. I'm asking you because I truly care. Like, what's up, what's going on? And when I've seen that, you know, with the young Marines that I've talked to, you know, it has that effect, you know, when I just didn't accept that I'm okay, I'm fine. Like this all, like, oh shit, Gunny, Gunny, uh, he's really still here. Like, yeah, I'm still here, and I ain't gonna go anywhere until you you tell me, like, what's up, man? Like, what's going on? This is what I'm seeing. Like, I'm I'm asking because I truly care. Like, I forget the Marine Corps, like I care about you as a person, bro. Like what's going on, yeah. And seeing the signs as far as their shoulders dropping, them looking into the distance, kind of like having that internal battle going on within them. Like, ah, should I tell him? Should I not? I don't want to put my problems onto him. What is he gonna think of me if I do tell him my problems? And it's just like, bro, we all have issues going on. Like, what's up?

SPEAKER_01 30:53

What you got?

SPEAKER_03 30:53

Like, I'm I'm here to help you out, and as such, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:56

Yeah, you gotta set that aside at times, like whatever environment you're in, work environment, whatever positions you're in, you gotta set that aside and just talk like humans.

SPEAKER_03 31:06

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 31:06

Yeah. So let's let's kind of in regards to the book, obviously, uh The Darkness, right? Um what was uh was what I don't know, you might have mentioned it already, but what was the darkest period for you um in as far as you know when writing this book that made it like, oh, you know what? I think that was probably one of my darkest moments or moments. Uh can you maybe talk about one briefly or if you want, you know, mention something about that?

SPEAKER_03 31:39

Yeah, it was probably um a little after Sadie was born.

SPEAKER_02 31:48

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 31:48

And you know, working nonstop, you know, I knew I was the main staffing CEO that was getting my Marines trained, putting a lot of effort to help them out. But I knew I wasn't giving that much to my wife, Jazz. And that I would say was probably the toughest because it was so much about work in the Marines and the unit. It it really was family last.

SPEAKER_02 32:16

Right.

SPEAKER_03 32:17

Um where Jazz was out there by herself. Like we didn't have too much family coming down and and helping us. Um so it came to a point where I remember the night where um you know Jazz talked about we came seconds close to me quitting this marriage queen on me with the kid, and because I was tired, like I remembered waking up, Sadie was crying, I was tired. I couldn't get up. I'm like, I I gotta I got a long day tomorrow, like I can't, and I still remember that day pretty vividly. Um, and that was just that one time where if it was gonna break, that was the that was the night that everything was gonna break and fall apart bad on. Yeah, it was just like I was gonna lose my wife, and I was like, dang, how is this gonna go and such?

SPEAKER_01 33:16

Yeah, and it's just what what was so difficult though at the uh um is just everything happening at once, you think? Uh the pressure.

SPEAKER_03 33:25

Yeah, the pressure to be obviously, you know, knowing that, you know, at that time, you know, there were other staff NCOs there, but you know, how was that main effort to like, hey, get them trained, get everything scheduled, helping out the Marines. Um you know, if I made a mistake or something small, I was just super harsh on myself. You know, I'd be driving and like I would you know hit my head on the on the back of the headrest, like plenty of times, like be like, damn it, man. Like, why the flip did I do that? Like, damn. Um, but I didn't have anybody to kind of talk to or had a mentor, you know, like never really had a mentor at all.

SPEAKER_01 34:08

Oh, okay, I see.

SPEAKER_03 34:09

Um, but it was just me by myself, yeah. You know, trying to figure this out, trying to do the best that I can and dealing with those negative thoughts. And then as soon as I get home, you know, you'd get that, hey, we need to talk. Damn it.

SPEAKER_00 34:27

More stress, more stress. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 34:29

So it's like, what did I do now? I'm just like, uh, so and all during those times where we would talk like that, like I was just tired. I would just shut down and I wouldn't even say anything. And at times, you know, I'd see, you know, my wife crying, you know, during those instances, and I was just like, oh god, man. Like, like, even more, it's like, look, this is how much of a piece of shit you are.

SPEAKER_02 34:53

Right.

SPEAKER_03 34:54

It's a husband that your wife is crying in front of you, and you feel nothing for it.

SPEAKER_01 34:59

Uh struggled a lot. Yeah. Yeah. That's rough. And then I knew you mentioned uh, for those of you listeners that uh have not heard my previous episodes about Marine Crew recruiting and what is what a staff NCO is, is basically like a manager. You're the one that's leading the younger employees. I guess that's how you would equate it. So if you hear us talking about a staff NCO, we were in positions where of leadership, we were leading people and running off running basically offices. Uh so that's what we're referring to. Um, and then let's going back to the struggles, right? Uh, how did you hide it? I mean, did you or did you not? Did you hide it?

SPEAKER_03 35:39

Yeah, just hit it, just focused on on the Marines. And you know, for me, I would use my phone a lot to always, whenever I talked to one of the Marines, I would just put every conversation in that phone. So if they owe if they wanted something, boom, all right, let me let me write this down. So it was easy just to get lost in work and focus on that, make sure everything's going good, um, and just lay it off. Like, yep, I'm fine, I'm good. You sure you look tired? Like, yeah, I'm just tired. I just need to, I just need one night to relax and I'll be good next week.

SPEAKER_01 36:16

Yeah. And during that time, did you ever think of a moment or did you find yourself thinking, like, man, I need to get some help at all? Did you ever think that during that time?

SPEAKER_03 36:28

No, no, not really. Yeah, like I knew we had those services, but I think something that's very common with people, we downplay a lot of what we're doing.

SPEAKER_01 36:41

Oh, yeah, we do. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 36:44

If it's not that, then we downplay the experiences that we've, you know, that we've gone through as such, right? We feel like, oh, anybody kind of done that. Like for us, right? Like, oh, anyone could have been a Marine. Oh, anyone could have gone to combat. Yeah, not really, man. You know, like you have to kind of give yourself credit to that extent that, like, hey, man, like these were pretty big events, yeah. Um, that you went through, that you've done. Yeah, like don't discredit yourself. Like, that's that's huge.

SPEAKER_01 37:16

Yeah, it's not like taking a stroll to the park, you know. It's not like that, no, obviously. You know what I'm saying? No, not at all.

SPEAKER_03 37:21

Yeah, and no, but I think like some of the some of the listeners that don't have that military service are like, well, I've never done, I'm not a marine.

SPEAKER_01 37:28

It's like, oh, you don't need to be to the breeds of us out.

SPEAKER_03 37:31

It's like just look back at your life and think about this. What was the toughest moment in your life that you went through? And you know, reminisce about that.

SPEAKER_01 37:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 37:42

And then think about it as far as you're still here right now. Like, give yourself some credit.

SPEAKER_01 37:47

Yeah, absolutely. Uh yeah, and whatever the trauma is, whatever the experiences are, it doesn't matter, man. It could be something as a you know, uh a car accident or you know, some type of uh just major trauma, you know, that that affected you growing up, or you know, now as an adult, whatever, uh things do affect us in different ways. But yeah. Oh yeah. What do you think? Um if if you can go back to that time, looking back, what do you think you needed the most at that time? Or in any of the situations where you were like in your darkest moments, what do you think you needed the most?

SPEAKER_03 38:27

Oh man, if if I would have had a leader been as annoying as I was with my Marines, yeah, you know, with checking in on them, you know, if they wouldn't accept it, the I'm fine, I'm okay, and they're like, no, Steph's aren't come on, let's go talk over here to the side real quick. Like, this is what I'm seeing. Like, what's up, man? What's going on?

SPEAKER_02 38:48

Right.

SPEAKER_03 38:49

Like, no, sir, I'm fine, I'm good. Like, if they had been like that, I know I probably would have been, I probably wouldn't have gone through that much of a huge dark side for me during that time.

SPEAKER_01 39:03

And it's crazy that yeah. Go ahead, sorry about that.

SPEAKER_03 39:06

Yeah, I would have definitely opened up and talked about, you know, I just feel like I don't have time. Like when I get home, I'm just tired. Like my wife needs help. I'm tired. Like, well, what can I do here? So yeah, help me out here, you know. Massar, help me out here. Having just that conversation in that manner, that would have been huge.

SPEAKER_01 39:28

Yeah, and it's crazy. That's what I was gonna say right now. And I interrupted, I'm sorry, I apologize. I was gonna say, it's crazy to think that in the Marine Corps, in the military, you would think, right? That's the first place you would get some good leadership, right? Some good mentoring. You would think, but that's not always the case, unfortunately. You know, um, and those of and for those of us that did uh we're fortunate to have to have good mentors, uh, you know, that's a good thing, and and things things that does make a difference. All right.

SPEAKER_03 40:00

Um I think I think for me, the mentorship that I noticed after a while was uh I can't remember how I heard it, but it was how books how the authors of books that you read about that aren't there anymore, yeah, they're kind of like the unspoken mentor that you needed.

SPEAKER_01 40:21

Oh, I never heard of that. That's pretty good.

SPEAKER_03 40:23

And I was like, well dang, that's that's good. So like for me in my career, it was no mentor that continuously had, but I did see little snippets here and there that I took from.

unknown 40:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 40:37

And it wasn't like it was pointing towards me, it's just things that I saw or heard about.

SPEAKER_01 40:42

Right.

SPEAKER_03 40:42

I just kind of put in the in the bucket and you know, just kept adding more and more until I was like, Well, how can I use this? And I remember I can't remember what book I was reading. It was about childhood education, where it talked about with what you have read, how is this helping somebody else out?

SPEAKER_01 41:03

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 41:04

And I was like, Yeah, okay. So I was like thinking about, well, okay, these are all the books that I've read. How is this doing? And when I went, when we were recruiting at the same time, I was taking college classes, and I remember um one of them I had to do was a leadership class. Yeah, I had already deployed twice, right? Gone to Iraq twice. I was like, what am I gonna learn from this leadership class here that I haven't already learned with over 10 years experience in the Marines and having served in a combat zone? I was like, this is dumb. But yeah, within within that leadership um class, I remember one chapter specifically, and it was the cover said transformational leadership, and it asked this question at the very bottom is what are you doing that's transformational? And I was like, dang, what am I doing that's transformational? So I took that with how the Marine Corps taught us to sell the uh how to sell the benefits of being a Marine teenagers, and I was like, Well, we have the benefit tags, and we kind of narrow it down for the kids, right? Like at level, choose your top three, yeah. Right, and then you ask them like why is this one important, right? And they go on to tell you, and I was like, what if I use that to find out what's just important to the marine overall?

SPEAKER_00 42:43

Yep.

SPEAKER_03 42:44

And then I add it in the question of how you know what more can I add to this that I've already read in the book or that I've already experienced. And that kind of led me into the path of like, okay, let me kind of check this a little bit out further and kind of investigate. Um it really kind of led to me finding out, like, okay, I know I'm connecting with people because I know what's important to them. I just have to find out a message of how to kind of connect that to where I need them to go.

SPEAKER_00 43:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 43:18

And so that led me on this path of like, all right, well, let me let me try this out further, see where it's gonna go. And yeah, sure enough, it's been working and failed a lot of times for sure.

SPEAKER_01 43:32

Um trial and error, man. Trial and error.

SPEAKER_03 43:34

Yeah. Glad glad I got here, glad I've I've learned what I have and have the uh mental understanding that I do right now. It's awesome.

SPEAKER_01 43:44

That's good, man. So now that you're in this spot, is so has there been a turning point for you? Is there something that you can look back and or not really look back, but it are you in a turning point right now? Um, have you started healing? Is you could you can say, or are you still healing from your experience? Experiences and your journey?

SPEAKER_03 44:02

Yeah. So definitely after retiring, I kind of just let myself go because I'd gone so hard. And for me, I just never really took care of myself. It was always about everybody else. You know, Marine Corps was still heavy, but I never really like took that time for me as such. And so even after getting out, you know, I kind of let myself go as such. But I was going in to get some chiropractic work done on me, on my back, and I saw this book on the ledge. And I asked the chiropractor, I was like, hey, what's that book right there? Um, and the book was titled Invisible Hero. Heroes.

SPEAKER_02 44:56

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 44:57

Um I looked at it. He's like, yeah, man. He's like, can I take that book? Um he's like, yeah, man, I'll bring it back. He's like, I don't care, keep it. And I was like, all right, cool.

SPEAKER_00 45:07

Take it.

SPEAKER_03 45:07

So I was reading it, uh, but it talked about the trauma that a lot of people have with, you know, a lot of you know traumatic events, either, you know, sexual assaults, you know, some of them were as far as some of the bombing that occurred in Oklahoma, yeah. Um, you know, police, the shootings that they kind of go through, and the mental things that kind of happen with them and such. And the book really went really good. Like it gave you the intro, you know, hey, this is what's kind of going on, and it gave you the stories, you know, the mental part of what people face with. But the best part was the exercises that it talked about. And the one exercise that really got my attention was, you know, you sit in a room, you know, you can either listen to it on, you know, from from YouTube and such. But when I read it, I kind of imagined myself because it was, you know, breathing in, breathing out, relax, calm down. Um, and for me, how I used it was like think about the worst time of your life, think about the things that you used to tell yourself.

SPEAKER_00 46:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 46:24

And the next part was now imagine being surrounded by the people that love you unconditionally. Ooh, okay, and them looking at you as you have these negative thoughts, you're reminding, you know, you're going through of you know the worst time in your life, and them telling you that you are loved, you are okay.

SPEAKER_01 46:53

Yeah. And people I was gonna say, when you mention love, I was gonna say some people are afraid to mention love. Like, I love you, man. Like, okay, that's not a big deal. Like, if you mean it, you can love somebody as a person. It doesn't mean you're weak or like you're showing like a feminine side or whatever. So I kind of just want to throw that out there that I don't know why people get intimidated by that. You know, like if you have a good friend of yours, hey, I love you, man. Okay, what's the big deal? Nothing wrong there. That's what I wanted to point that out real quick.

SPEAKER_03 47:28

I think it kind of goes back to the biases that we kind of have, like in chapter two, right? Like, you know, you're a man, you're supposed to be tough, you know. If you know you grew up in a Mexican household, oh yeah, what? Like, you know, you don't say that stuff. Come on.

SPEAKER_01 47:42

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_03 47:43

You know, um as such. But I remember going through that technique, surrounding myself with people that I love, and I instantly just thought about my grandma and grandpa. And then I thought about you know, one of my favorite uncles who died of cancer and such. Yeah, and having that, and I remember I was in my car, you know, kind of just thinking about it. Um and before that, when I would think about like the dumb mistakes that I would make, I would still feel like I need to fix this, like I need to do something about this. Um, you know, if it was thinking about being not being there present as a dad, I'm like, ah, dang it, man. Like I let them down, I let my family down. Like I missed out on so many things like that. But going through that technique and just reminding myself, you know, imagining having you know my loved ones surrounding me, um, and then telling me that it's okay. The last part kind of gets me. He's like, if you ever need to come back, we will always be here waiting for you. Just never, never forget that. And I was just like, that's really when I felt like okay, I'll I could definitely get through this. Yeah, and come out and not let my past experiences be that prince, that prison sentence that you know some of us have.

SPEAKER_01 49:18

Yeah. And to like today, like right now, in this actual moment right now, uh do you still struggle? Uh or do you feel like you have control now with your inner career?

SPEAKER_03 49:32

A lot more control. Yeah, yeah, a lot more control for sure now. Because now I'm going in, going into the VA, being honest, you know. Even when I go in now, Compa, my heart rate's up, and I tell the doctor, and my heart's always gonna be up because I'm nervous. Yeah, I feel like I have to battle against you guys somehow. And I've always done this with the Navy, going into um sick call and all that stuff. They're like, hey, I think my foot's broken. Like, oh man, you just need to change your socks and drink some warm water.

SPEAKER_01 50:01

Take it to Adeville. You're good. Yeah, right. Yeah, and for those of you who know what sick call is, it's just basically going to like a clinic for a military. You just like, if you're not feeling good, you go to the clinic. That's what it is for us, sick call. Yeah, go ahead, compa. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 50:15

But yeah, like recently went in to get my feet looked at. They're like, all right, well, let's try to give you these insoles and you know, we'll get you going. You know, feet feel a heck of a lot better. They're like, we'll we'll get we'll get some personal ones created for you.

SPEAKER_01 50:29

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 50:30

Yeah, now it's just like, okay, now it's like, all right, I got a little bit that first step taken there. It's like, all right, now it's time to try to build momentum and get back into it again.

SPEAKER_01 50:38

Yeah, but those insoles, man, they're great. I just not to get off subject, but man, I got mine uh and they I mean I I I had lost them for a bit, and I was like, damn. And then I found them. They were in a pair of shoes that were in the garage somewhere, and I put them back out. Man, what a difference. So props to those insoles, man. They do help.

SPEAKER_03 50:57

They saved me walking the 70 miles that we did those those two weeks in Europe.

SPEAKER_01 51:04

Oh, damn, 70 miles.

SPEAKER_03 51:06

They were a lifesaver.

SPEAKER_01 51:08

I bet, man. Which reminds me of the trip we took to San Francisco. When was it? Uh, I don't know, five years ago, six years, maybe longer. No, it was longer, right? Yeah. We took a trip to go watch the San Francisco 49ers, and uh, we did a lot of walking that on that weekend. And I just remember like that was the first time that I realized, damn, not no shade on San Francisco. Man, but there was some ghetto-ass areas, and there was some interesting stuff that we saw on the streets uh uh those those few days there on the on the metro and the uh the public uh transportation system there. Yeah, we saw some interesting stuff.

SPEAKER_03 51:43

That that that house that we stayed in. Oh yeah, that house.

SPEAKER_01 51:48

We did we did an Airbnb, and uh we was it in San Jose, I think we stayed in San Jose, right? Yeah, I think so. This this was an old-looking house. I mean, it looked like it was built probably in the 60s, 50s, I don't know. You walked in, the stores, the the the stairs were creeping. I mean, it just looked like an antique house. And the room that we stayed in, I want to say, and correct me if I'm exaggerating, there must have been about a hundred dolls in that room, maybe. Close to a gone by yeah, like porcelain dolls, creepy looking dolls, and they were just looking at you. I don't I don't think I slept much that night. Um, and I I remember like even going to the restroom, uh, like I said, everything made noises, right? Um, and just like being in that bathroom, I mean I could just I could feel like, dude, somebody probably got murdered in this bathroom, in this uh bathtub or something. It was just it was pretty creepy. And the lady I remember the the hostess or whatever she was, the owner, she was an older lady, if I remember. She was kind of odd too, huh? Yeah, she was kind of odd.

SPEAKER_03 52:54

It felt like we were being watched the whole time. Like even looking at the corners of the room at night, I'm like, something's gonna come out here and start scratching us.

SPEAKER_01 53:03

I'm like something, man. I yeah, let's just say that the next morning we were exhausted. Uh, as soon as the alarm turned on, I think we were out the door in minutes, right? To wait for our Uber to come pick us up, or was it whatever Uber Lyft to take us to the airport? But yeah, I just remember that uh on the way to the airport and like at the airport, I I was pretty quiet. I was tired, and I just kept thinking about that creepy ass house, man. So I just yeah, no, like I said, I know we kind of veered off there for a minute talking about uh traveling and stuff like that. But uh I do remember the walking uh during that trip. So yeah, um, so um before we leave here, uh Christian, um, and by the way, I when I when I keep mentioning compa, and Kisten says compa to me, uh, I'm godfather to to their daughter, to Kisten's daughter. And I think I mentioned this in my previous episode, a compa in in in the Mexican household or Latin America, I think, is basically like a second father or a father figure uh to your child. You basically um go through a ceremony, uh, for those of you who know those religious ceremonies, uh, and you become like a second father. Mike, right? Some something along those lines, right? Yep. Okay. So yeah. Um and shout out to Sadie. I know I don't know if she probably can't listen to this episode or anything like that, but I hope she's doing good. I know she's into martial arts uh and other stuff. Uh very smart young young lady. Um so shout out to Sadie and shout out to uh Jasmine out there if you're listening. Uh shout out to you. Uh but before we let you go, um before you know we cut this off today, I want to talk a little bit about the book, though. More about the book. I know you're you wrote the book. Uh what's the next steps for you as far as the you writing this? What's what's what are you waiting on? What's the next the next thing, the next phase or whatever?

SPEAKER_03 54:50

Yeah, next thing that I have going on now, uh, because really I hadn't I hadn't done anything with the book. Like I've it's written, I'm kind of still, I guess more so in the editing part of it, where I'm just like, well, let me look at this again. I really hadn't looked at the book for maybe a good eight months or so, man.

SPEAKER_00 55:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 55:08

And when you talked about it, about coming on the podcast that you got, and I was like, it felt it felt right. It felt like, okay, this is the time right now.

SPEAKER_01 55:21

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 55:21

And so now it's more so, all right, let me let me look at it again and get it electronically published, so getting it on the site somewhere, um, and let it kind of build on through there and see what kind of traction it gets from there. And if it gets good enough, you know, get it printed and see how kind of that goes as well.

SPEAKER_01 55:43

Yeah, I mean, sometimes you need a little push, right? Not saying that this was the push, but even for me too, getting this podcast going, um, my brother actually was the one that said, hey, let's let's just get on the microphone and start messing around and see what we can come up with. And we actually are working on our own, a different podcast, me and my brother. And that's what kind of got me going on this again. I was like, you know what? I need to get back on my idea. I've been working on it for two years. Uh, let's see where this goes. And you sometimes you need that little push or that little reminder to just go ahead and do it. You know, don't waste time. Um, you know, this book I'm sure it will benefit many people out there, um, specifically, you know, people that have been through traumas or I know we're all critics of our of our own. So it it would benefit anybody out there uh reading your book. I know you I had the um you know you've you've sent me a couple chapters in advance. I've read a few of them. Um so I I think my personal opinion, uh, you you got something good here. Um hopefully we can you can put it out there to the public soon. Uh that way, um you know, once again, it can help it can help somebody out there.

SPEAKER_03 56:53

Yeah, I think the things for people to kind of remember is you know, like, yes, understand, you know, like look back at your life, right? As far as what you went through, what you've experienced, to kind of give you a heads up of like, okay, maybe this is why I'm kind of like this way, right?

SPEAKER_00 57:11

Right.

SPEAKER_03 57:12

Even more so from there, then you look at some of the biases you might have, right? You know, they're you know, you're male, female, what you've all in with certain cultures, it goes specifically, you know, you have to be this way or you have to be that way, you know. Even um, you know, if you're brought up in a family where they're constantly just bringing you down, making you feel like, hey, you're not gonna be anything, don't try it, like that's gonna have an effect on you.

SPEAKER_00 57:39

Oh, yeah, right.

SPEAKER_03 57:40

Yeah, and that leads to that inner critic of how it is, right? Like, oh, I know why I'm I'm always negative on myself because that's how my family was, and that's what they always kept telling me, and I didn't do, you know, there was ain't there's nothing otherwise to go with that, right?

SPEAKER_01 57:58

Right.

SPEAKER_03 57:59

Um and knowing that that inner critic, you know, it is you, that is you, you know. For me in the book, I call him Eeyore, but you know, it kind of just to give a reference, but that was me, right? Like that wasn't anybody else doing that or telling me that in certain ways or making me think a certain way. That was just me allowing myself to do that. So from there, then it's you have to set up your environment well. You have to set up the environment so that it works for you. And by that I mean this nutrition, eating well. Um, and I don't mean like you know, like you gotta be healthy and all it's like super, and it's like, no, it's like you're not always eating like crappy food, you're not always eating out, you know, you're not always fried, you're not always drinking like two liters of soda every day or such energy drinks as well. Um, if you're taking any nicotine products, kind of being mindful about that, yeah. But then you have to look at your sleep. But the biggest one is technology and the addiction people have with that and how it could easily distract you. Um, because I know it was for me, uh I know that was a contention point between me and Jazz. I was using it too much, and I admit, like, definitely for sure. Um, but like I said, how you know internally I was just like, I just need some time to veg out as and so I set out to like, all right, let me focus on the easy one diet, right? Like eating good, mixing in salads every now and then, getting as as many veggies as I could. And I was like, all right, cool. Now let's try to deal with sleep. Right. But with sleep, it was I'm using my phone till I fall asleep.

SPEAKER_00 59:51

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 59:54

Right. So I was like, well, let me put my phone farther away so that I'm not just reaching out for it as soon as as soon as I get up. Yeah. Kind of reminding myself, like, okay, let me kind of set myself up for success here and then.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:10

Yeah, physical distance, a physical distance from it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:15

Then it was, okay, how often do I need to use the phone to feel like I'm good?

SPEAKER_02 1:00:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:23

Because I think for most of us, we have to, it has to be next to us. If it's not, it feels like, oh my gosh, where's my phone now? Like, what's going on here?

SPEAKER_02 1:00:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:32

Right. Like I'm I'm not connected. Um, and it could lead some of us to kind of feel the anxiety, that stress, like, oh my gosh, everything's on there. And it is tough. Like, it's I'm not gonna lie, like it, it is extremely tough to let go of that technology and just focus in and you know, put it down. Hey, just go for go do something small, go for like a two-minute walk. Yeah, that is it. And if you could do that for two weeks on straight, then you're gonna start building good habits, right? Because those can be those good habits that are gonna support you in really being able to mount a good counterattack against your credit. Because if you already know what you tell yourself, right, then it's like, okay, when does that happen for me? Yeah, or what causes those negative thoughts to come about, right? Which is which is where in the middle part of the trifold, I would write down for every single one of them. The last part is okay, it's the most important one, um, but it's the one where you're gonna have to fail towards your success. Meaning try a technique out to distance and distract yourself from those negative thoughts, and from there keep trying at it. If it doesn't work, try a new technique. I hope it works the first time, but more often than not, it's probably not gonna so you're gonna have to keep trying to find out what works best for you. Yeah, um, but once you do, then you're like, okay, cool, this one works good for me right now. Like, you know, taking a walk midday or after I gone back, you know, boom, let me go take a walk as such. But you have to know, even if if this sounds good, like okay, I could kind of do this. Just remember the next day, your inner critic is still gonna be right there using tactics. Yeah, trying to be like, come on, come on, Christian, just take a break. Come on, let's just do it tomorrow. Yeah, you know what? You work so hard, like, bro, you're a marine, you did 20 plus years. Like, let's just veg out for it today. It's so being mindful of like, yeah, like being mindful of like, nah, hell no, like, I'm not doing that, I've done that already. Like, I'm yeah, I'm gonna stay focused on what I need to, um, and having that and being able to go through that and finding your techniques, that's huge, you know. And if you have a supportive network where somebody could keep you honest and they call you out on your BS, and for me, I like to refer it like they're calling you out because they're just closer to where you might not be friends with them, yeah, because your inner critic is telling you, like, why do you need this guy? Like, who needs this? Like, let's go hang out with so-and-so. Because whenever we hang out with them, we're drinking beer, we have a good time. Yeah, uh, but for me, I'd rather keep that person that calls me out, um, and I'm just mad at them, but I'm just like, ah, they have a point. You know what? Yeah, I need to stop being lazy and actually get going on this. Like, all right, cool. I'm glad I have them. Um, that's huge. That's so huge. Do you have do you have anybody like that compound right now?

SPEAKER_01 1:04:07

Um, I can't think of any right now, but I'm sure in the past I had. You know. Uh the what they're talking about the ones that tell you this and that, like you need to do less of this, more of that, whatever. Is that what you're talking about?

SPEAKER_03 1:04:21

Yeah, the ones that know what what you're trying to shoot for.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:25

Oh, okay. I misunderstood you. I misunderstood you. No, yeah, of course. I have my wife. Uh, she's always a big proponent of like pushing myself, pushing me to do better things, even with like this podcast. She's all about it. Um, but yeah, I would say my wife, my kids, um, you know, I got friends out there, you know, that will always support me no matter what venture I'm I'm going, whatever I'm doing at the moment. It's important to have people like that. I can think of two or three people off the top of my head. Yeah, I do have people like that. So my sorry, I misunderstood you. Yeah. No, but I do.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:03

I think I think the last part uh for people that can't remember is you're always you might always feel you have to say, Oh, I need to figure out this problem. I have to figure this out. Yeah, I need to figure this out. And we forget the internal pressure that we place on ourselves with that expectation, you know, especially if you're the dad, and let's say you're not making as much and your your pay is going down, you're like, dang, some of these bills aren't gonna get paid.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:39

And then now poof, you have that that huge pressure on you to where it's like, oh man, right? Like it's that head on. Um for people, I would say this flip it around to where this is what I kind of tell myself is I Get the opportunity to. So if if I feel like I'm using the phone too much and I'm not paying attention to CD, I remind myself, I get the opportunity today to be a dad.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:14

And that changes your whole mindset, huh?

SPEAKER_03 1:06:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:18

Like uh it was it was yesterday. I had just gone back home. I'm working on my side business, which I do on my phone as well.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:27

And she comes up asking me a question. I'm just like, oh, I'm trying to get focused on this. I want to finish this. And like at that moment, I could feel myself getting mad, just wanting to respond back, like, yes, Sadie. Like, what do you want? What is it? Um, I took that second to be like, I get the opportunity to be a dad right now. Like, there's other parents who have lost their kids. There's kids that have lost their parents that don't have them right outside. And it's just like, uh, yeah, that's right.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:00

Put things in perspective.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:02

Yep. Brings me back.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:04

And like I, you know, I'll put the phone down, look at my daughter, pay attention to her, shows me whatever she wants to, talks to me, and it's like, all right, cool. I always have to have that little thing. And I think, um, with just saying that, right? Like, I get the opportunity.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:22

Yeah. No, that's huge. That's huge. Yeah. Yeah. If you think about it that way, that makes sense. You know, I get to, yeah, of course. You're going to change your perspective. It it sounds different, and it you changes your mindset. That's a good way of putting things. Yeah, I like that.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:37

Yeah. Yeah. So you know, celebrate those minimal successes, right? Yeah. If you try to technique out, and let's say you walked outside for two minutes and you distracted yourself with going, you know, when you start telling yourself those negative thoughts, like, awesome, man. Like, celebrate that. Like, yeah, keep it going. Like, don't don't just expect the grand slam, and that's the only time you're gonna win.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:04

Right?

SPEAKER_00 1:08:04

Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:05

Like I said, for me, I'm at peace right now. You know, I don't have a high-paying job. I'm not getting paid, you know, like over six figures. I don't have these crazy house. I don't have, you know, like this other stuff.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:17

Right, right.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:18

But if you ask me, am I happy? Am I content? And like, I'm neither of those. I'm peaceful where I'm at with my life. Like, I love where I'm at with this. You know, I'm enjoying the little things a lot more. Um, that's the one thing that I look at because I remember in boot camp, you know, remember seeing the uh the airplanes leaving everything in San Diego, yeah. San Diego, California. And the thing that I took for granted so much was just walking down the street.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:50

Yeah, being free.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:52

Yep, and just kind of like having that reflection and thinking about like, yep, don't don't forget about those experiences. It's kind of like how you have a toothache and you focus all your attention on getting that toothache fixed, but when it's gone, you lose sight of it again. Like it's completely out of your mind, you're like, oh, whatever, I'm I'm on this, but you forget the pain that you fell with that toothache.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:20

So yeah. That's that's that's a that's a crazy way of putting it, but yeah, you're right. Um, but yeah, and then you know, going kind of back with what you were saying, um consumption. We as as humans, I think sometimes we carried away, we get carried away with consumption, and uh uh whether it be alcohol, uh, you know, technology, uh, whatever it is, right? Consumption, we have to have that, we have to have that, you know, I don't know how to say like you have to have moderation. There you go. That's what I was looking for. Moderation. It's okay to have moderation consumption in smaller amounts. Um, because you know, sometimes I do want to have a beer, sometimes I do want to have that cheeseburger or whatever it is. Sometimes I do want to be on my TikTok for for a couple minutes, but it all comes down to consumption. How much consumption is good and how much consumption is bad. So finding that that balance, you know, getting out, doing things outside, not just stay inside the house all the time. But I think if you put that on everything, I think you you know you you can live a more balanced life. Um, and I don't know, just kind of you kind of made me think about that. There's certain things in my life that I gotta make sure that I kind of tone it down a bit with, I'm sure.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:40

Yeah, oh yeah. I mean, that reminded me so much, like talking about that, R, when you mentioned that, was you remember um we had to write out our weekly plan in recruiting duty? Oh, yeah, uh how we're gonna make mission every week and all that.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:56

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:57

So I use that to like okay, like I'm not gonna go that crazy to where, like, hey, every 30 minutes, like I was like, okay, honesty, like let's have an honest conversation. Yeah, how much time do you need to really spend on social media to where you're like, okay, I'm good.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:14

Yeah, that's a good question.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:16

And yeah, and you know, for for some of us, you know, one thing I I like to practice is before I get in home, I always look at this one tree and I remind myself, hey, you're still here, you're still kicking. Let's not get sidetracked. Um, and taking that little moment before I get home kind of sets me up. Like before, I remember I would get home, especially from recruiting duty. I would get home and I would tell Jasmine, like, give me 10 to 15 minutes in the room real quick, and then I'll be good. Because I was just, you know, you can rewire the tight.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:59

Yeah, like let me just kind of like tone down to that. Um, but now as I'm driving home, I have that, I have those thoughts like, all right, I'm about to get home, let me relax, let me not bring my work stuff or problems at home, and I'll deal with when I'm over there. Yeah. Um, because I feel for some people they think about their problems all of the time. And if they don't, if they feel like they're not getting anywhere, it's just like, uh, it just exacerbates the issue where it's just like I'm not doing anything here. It's like, yeah, you can't do anything about this problem because that deals at work. Or if you're at work, you're thinking about an issue at home, where it's like, yeah, you can't do anything while you're at work because you're at work, man. Like, just wait till it gets home. So I think people have to kind of remind ourselves, like, look, just look at your schedule and think about when you can focus on this problem solely to best help you out. Because if not, you know, it's easy to think about, oh, you know, I'm not I'm not doing this, I'm not getting further in my career, but you get to weekend, it's like, why are you thinking about your career right now when you know you can't do anything about it when you're you're you're at home? Yeah, you know, yeah, help yourself out and remind yourself, okay, I can't do anything right now. I want to.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:21

Right.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:22

Okay, when's the best time to actually start focusing on this as such?

SPEAKER_01 1:13:26

Yeah. Simple as that, right? No, yeah. I yeah, a lot of things that you said today, uh, they they really kind of hit it, hit me because um I've been through similar situations, and I'm sure a lot of people out there can relate to some of the things that you said. So I just want to thank you once again for coming on, taking the time. I know you're a busy person, and I I always want to say thank you for those that come on here to take the time to, you know, and you know, and these episodes they're not always, you know, um as insightful. Some of them are fun or more fun than others, but this is one that I really want to kind of throw out there and say, you know, for those of you that are struggling with your inner critic or yourself in general, uh, please, you know, take the moment to figure out how you can help yourself, uh, reach out to somebody, talk to somebody. Um, take that first step, you know. Um, and hopefully the book comes out soon. Uh Christian, um I look forward to it coming out. Um, I know this has probably been uh a healing process for you. Uh being out there, you know, putting yourself out there writing the book, uh, you know, I'm sure taking you back, you know, to a lot of memories that weren't the greatest. Uh, but you know, wish you nothing but the best. Um, hopefully we we'll see the book out there soon. If if if anybody's interested in uh more information on like inner critic, is there anything out there right now that you can kind of like point someone out to, like uh references or uh a book that's already out there? Uh of course we're gonna be waiting for your book to come out, but anything that you can kind of point people out that you can think of right now?

SPEAKER_03 1:15:07

I think I would probably say two books. Okay. Um atomic habits, because I feel what we do on a daily basis, our habits do kind of dictate um how things are kind of going on.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:21

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:21

I think if you if you read that book and you kind of see, okay, what are my habits, right? Like what do I do on a daily basis? Is this helping me out to reach my goal, or is this taking away from me actually trying to get where I want to or what I want to focus on?

SPEAKER_01 1:15:36

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:36

That would be the first one. The second one was the invisible heroes one.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:41

Okay, and I and I think you did mention that one earlier, right? Invisible heroes.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:45

Invisible heroes, um, huge and gives a lot. I mean, the first couple chapters are more so like the data of it, but yeah, when you start reading the experiences that you know some of the people bring up and what they're talking about, what they faced, and when you start going into the different exercises that the book suggests, oh man, that one hits all, especially if you're just struggling. You're just like, yeah, uh, I have nobody here, I'm by myself. I can't I can't talk to anybody because it it seems like you know, you might feel like you're gonna be a burden to them. Whatever it is, that book's just an easy one to read and feel like, hey, there's other people out there that feel that way. So you're not by yourself, you're not alone. Um, but yeah, that that book is a good helping hand.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:37

All right, yeah. So I'll drop those links there. And uh, once your book gets published, I'll be sure to go ahead and also post a link there. And uh that way we can get you out there, get people to know you, your book. Uh, so that'd be great. So you keep me posted on that uh so that we can so we can put it out there. But I once again appreciate your time. I know that you got a lot of things going on. Um, so once again, much much appreciated. I know I usually do a rapid fire with some of my guests, real quick. Coffee or energy drink? What do you prefer?

SPEAKER_03 1:17:13

Oof, man. I I've had to switch to uh coffee now. I've gone away from uh energy drinks for sure. That's too remember the rippets?

SPEAKER_01 1:17:23

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:24

Oh, Compa, that man. Yeah, I have gotten away from them.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:30

Okay. So I know that's one of the questions I usually ask people, uh, just curio out of curiosity. But uh once again, uh thanks again, Compa. Uh appreciate it. Uh, any last thoughts before we let you go?

SPEAKER_03 1:17:44

Yeah, no, thanks for for help helping me uh come on here, you know. Um the invite, you know, much happiness and success to you in this podcast, even to one that you'll do with your brother, however you feel I can help you out, umpa, let me know. I'm here to help you out. Uh appreciate it, man. I think I think for everybody else, you're you're not alone. You know, yeah. Trust me. Um, even me, I've been through it. I know that inner battle that you're going through. You know, this book is different from the other South Hope books, just because I tried, I I wanted to keep it simple. Yeah, it's look back at your history, see what biases you have, know what you tell yourself, and hey, let's let's start attacking it. And before you do, set yourself up and see. Once you get past it, once you get past one of those negative thoughts, it's it's different. Because it's it's easy, you know, like you hear the the Nike model, right? Just do it. And you hear some of the other books like, oh, all you have to do is just this. It's like, well, yeah, that's easy for anybody. Yeah, you do that, and yes, you'll get there.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:55

Right.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:55

But we just I think the other what I've seen personally, right, is books don't talk about that that inner critic, right? What really stops us? What really stops people from after a month of trying to work out for their new year's resolution of why they fail.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:13

Right. Um, and understanding those those excuses that we always give into. Because I know I've done it, and I know you know people hearing this are like, yep, I have my excuses. I know you're not gonna tell anybody else what they are, but I know you have them, and those are the reasons what's stopping you from reaching where you want to. And this book will definitely help you get past that, um, and give you the necessary tools to have just create a life worth living on your terms.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:48

There it is. Yep, there it is, komfa. All right. Well, once again, thank you for the listeners. If you are interested in being a guest, all right, don't be afraid. Shoot, send me a message. Once again, this is about any type of people out there. Uh, this is not specific to anything. Once again, anybody, if you work at Taco Bell, if you're an engineer, if you are somebody that has a good story, reach out and we'll we'll get you on the show. All right, until next episode. Uh we'll see you then. If you're enjoying the podcast and want to help support future episodes, you can check out the link in the show notes. Your support helps keep the podcast going and it's greatly appreciated. Also, please leave a review and share with friends. That's Sergio says it straight, where the truth comes out. Whether we planned it or not, catch you next time.